2.2.17

Breakfast - Bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios
Lunch - PBJ
Dinner - Leftover Lasagna


Music Is At War Within Me

Music usually makes me want to do various things. I'd say most music I listen to makes me want to drive. Drive fast. Some music makes me want to run or exercise, maybe go for a long bike ride. Fun music makes me want to dance - I love dancing and so does Kid President. And some music makes me want to just close my eyes and breathe.

Then there's music that makes me want to write.

Queue Rosi Golan's GiveUp the Ghost. That's how we got here.

Suffice it to say, music usually takes me places. And lately, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about this.

Because life is usually what takes us places and music is just what's there in the background. It's passively consumed and serves as a soundtrack to our daily routine. But, every now and again this soundtrack aligns with our realities in such a perfect way that we might as well be a character in a Cameron Crowe film (I love Cameron Crowe films). And I believe that it is within these moments that powerful memories are made. The kind of memories that help give meaning to the word nostalgia.

If you just so happen to experience enough of these moments in your life, I believe you shift from being a passive music consumer to being a very intentional music consumer. You begin to allow the music to take you places more often than you used to. It's no longer a soundtrack resting in the background of your life, but more of a guiding force in the foreground of your life. You begin to consider its power and how to harness it for moments of celebration, sorrow, study, worship, solitude, togetherness and so much more.

Now if you get carried away with this, you probably find yourself overestimating your abilities and fooling yourself into believing that you should pursue a career in music supervision for TV & Film. You tell your friends how great you'd be at that kind of thing. And, while most of your friends probably do enjoy your curated road trip playlists, please do not give up your day job. Music supervision is a very difficult business that requires more than just one’s keen ability to know at what point during a 12 hour drive to ironically play “Don’t Stop Believing” and lift everyone’s spirits.

I remember exactly where I was when I first heard Mat Kearney's "Nothing Left to Lose." I can still feel the wind on my face, smell the salt in the air, and sense the feeling of freedom I had as a newly licensed 16-year-old Florida boy driving to the beach for the first time, alone, with the windows down. That song, in that moment, gave me a very specific hope-filled feeling about my future.

A few months back Mat played this song at a show in Nashville and upon hearing the melody for the first time in years I was instantly transported back to that golden hour on that coastal road. I was reminded of that specific hope-filled feeling towards my future, but for the first time was able to reflect on it unlike ever before. Over a decade had passed. The future that 16-year-old Florida boy had dreamed of was now the past of this 27-year-old bachelor.

In that moment at the concert I realized something new about myself. Music is at war within me.

Music tears me in two completely opposite and conflicting directions. The first of which is the sea of emotion that I am tossed into headfirst when the nostalgic appeal of the music assaults my senses. Everything within me craves to return to meaningful memories from my past of a better time that no longer exists; a time I perhaps did not know would be as meaningful as it was in that instant – a time when I was a character in a Cameron Crowe film. For the duration of a verse and a chorus I am tempted to flee, heading in a backwards direction. Why not leave everything in the present? Why not give all of this up for the pursuit of what once was? A town I no longer live in. Relationships I no longer have hold of. Youthfulness I’ll never get back… The road to this hope-filled future was different than expected, and the music makes me want to drop everything and sprint, recklessly, back to when I could only guess at life.

But then comes the bridge.

I believe in service; that the calling of a Christian is a calling into servanthood. And when the bridge builds towards refrain a wave of hope washes over me, and the music pushes me onward and into the future. This is the second direction – forward. The path set before me is a path of service, and I am a servant to the song. This is the feeling that must always and will always overpower my desire to move backwards. The music moves me, moves us, filled with hope, forward.

I believe this is why I am in Nashville – to serve the song. And though I’m still learning what that looks like, I find so much purpose and joy in this calling.

There are artists out there writing songs of hope, and they need people who are committed to serving the song to help them share their hope-filled messages with the world. So that just maybe, somewhere, some 16 year old kid driving to the beach for the first time with the windows down can hear it, and that kid will know that life is special and that there are far greater things ahead than behind.

6.14.15

Breakfast - 2 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Lunch - bites of a brownie

Dinner - gnocchi with meat balls

Cookies

This evening I met a kid who remembered me. I met him once. In 2007.

High school was a very formative time of my life. I grew a lot in those four years, as most kids do. You could chart my path as a high school student as follows: 9^th grade - cool kid, 10^th grade - judgmental douche, 11^th grade - maturing teenager, 12^th grade – liked again by most people.

I became a judgmental douche because I fell victim to the unfortunate extreme consequence of being raised as a legalistic Christian. As a high schooler, I did not approve of underage drinking, drugs, sex, the usual (I still do not approve of these things, but fortunately my reasons and reactions to these things have changed a little bit). So when all the kids in my grade started experimenting and getting involved with these activities, my close circle of friends and I put up a wall. We were so afraid of possibly getting sucked into sin that the only way to avoid it was to be on the complete opposite end. Our defensive mechanism to unchristian actions was unfortunately an unchristian action. We didn’t love, we judged.

10^th and 11^th grade was quite the journey for my friends and I. I remember there was this string of months when no one would come visit our lunch table. That sounds silly when I read it out loud, but we’re talking about a high school lunchroom full of social butterflies pre-smartphone era. Visiting lunch tables was what kids did. But they didn’t visit us, because they legitimately believed we were “arrogant jerks” who thought we were “better than everyone else.” Yes, I’m quoting someone. This was actually said to us. Multiple times. 

I remember when we started to turn the corner towards the end of junior year.

We were maturing and learning that Christianity isn’t rooted in legalistic truths that should be capable of guilting humans into fearing God, but rather that Christianity is an unrestricted love that should be demonstrated in radical action. Our reaction to the actions of our peers shouldn’t have been judgment, but should have been radical love demonstrated in a tangible way. We had just wasted 3 years of opportunity.

Senior Year

One year of high school left. One year to have an impact.

God did some cool things that summer before our final year. We actually hung out with kids we went to school with, rather than just hanging out with our church crowd. We invested in a foreign student who went through a challenging transition when his family left the states and made him stay to finish his education. We organized trips to the beach and games of ultimate Frisbee in the park. We got strange ideas and formulated plans on how to make them happen. God really raised us up to be leaders.

The reason I’m writing this tonight, I guess, is because the kid I (re)met this evening was impacted by… well, I guess by our leadership.

I remember my first day of freshman year. I remember being terrified and intimidated and insecure about my clothes, hair, shoes, and general appearance. It was like, all I wanted was to be calmed down and told that things were going to be cool. That this was an exciting phase of life, not a terrifying one. So I sat there on the edge of my senior year thinking of all the new incoming freshman who were probably feeling the same way I had felt; losing sleep and trying to pick out their outfit for the first day of school.

So I did something.

I baked cookies.

On the first day of senior year I visited lunch tables and brought cookies.

I walked from one group of freshmen to the next group of freshmen offering them some mediocre baked goods and telling them that it was all going to be cool. That it was going to be exciting. That they had four years of opportunity to look forward to, not four years of something terrifying.

I’d be lying if I said a couple kids weren’t skeptical. I was definitely asked if I put laxatives in the cookies. (In all fairness why should a freshman trust a senior; let alone a senior guy handing out baked goods. wtf?)

But apparently it worked.

This kid I saw tonight, turns out he was one of those freshmen. He took one of the cookies. He ate it. And he was calmed. And the way he remembered me tonight and talked about our brief interaction that had truly stuck with him affirmed me that Christianity really is about silly actions of reckless love.

This is a reminder that I definitely need right now. Unrestricted love, not judgment.

And God always finds ways to encourage us in the things that are right.

I think an encouraging part of trying to be a Christian who makes efforts to intentionally love is certainly the fulfillment you get from accomplishing something from your heart. But I think the most underrated part of trying to be a Christian who makes efforts to intentionally love is the ripple affect that is sparked from those actions. The pay-it-forward that you never see.

Tonight I found out that four years later on this kid’s first day of his senior year, he also walked from one table of freshmen to the next, handing out cookies, spreading some love, and being asked if he had put laxatives in them.

3.31.15

Breakfast - Honey Bunches of Oates (Vanilla flavored)
Lunch - Turkey and cheese sandwich on a plain bagel with cream cheese
Dinner - 2-4-1 pepperoni pizza at Maf's

Beverages

If we’re being honest, as Americans, making it through a typical workday is all about going from one beverage to the next. We use beverages as a sort of liquid holiday; a vacation from reality.

I’d say 90% of Americans start their day with a cup of coffee. And I say coffee in the general sense; meaning all inclusive of lattes, espressos, frappes and anything of the sort. Cause it’s all the same to me, ok?

We use “coffee” as our morning ritual of optimism. *Sips freshly brewed steaming alma matter coffee mug* “Ahhh… I can do it. I can make today happen. I got this!” *baby begins crying and phone begins to ring* “…Well, at least I got my coffee...”

You can say that coffee helps you wake up, gives you energy, makes you regular, or whatever, but more than anything it just gives you comfort and confidence. The kind of confidence that allows people to drive minivans, grow mustaches, and name their daughter Dora. 

Try walking into the office tomorrow without your cup of coffee in hand, then tell me you still feel confident. You can’t.

Next comes a glass of water. After about an hour into your day, you’re finally settling in and the work is beginning to flow, but that’s no good. You don’t want to actually get sucked into work-work, you just want to work. So you head over to the water cooler for a quick break. You casually talk with Chad, Spenser or Christina about the weather, sports, and maybe even surface level politics. Water isn’t your favorite but it’s a necessary evil.

By the time you’re done with water and you’ve maybe completed one menial task, it’s time for lunch. Oh, the possibilities!

Soda, lemonade, juice, smoothie, pick your poison. The lunch beverage is easily the second best in the lineup. That’s why Americans invented the eXtreme Gulp at 7/11. Because if your lunch beverage never ends than neither does your lunch vacation. Let’s stay here and do this forever! Sugary juicy sweetness helping your salad wrap go down smoother. Yum, healthy.

After the lunch beverage you return to your post for a nice little nap. I mean, as we saw, the lunch beverage can be extreme! And sometimes we all need a little rest after an extreme experience. You put your head down and zone out while you scroll through excel files and field a handful of phone calls, most of which you let go to voicemail.

Eventually your optimism gets the better of you and you come out of your post-lunch coma. I can do better than this. Time to go to work. Now some people here are bold enough to employ the energy drink or energy shot. That’s why the vending machine exists; for the bold ones. Other’s are in the middle of a really good book about gardening and DIY projects, so they’re drinking a cup of hot tea. But most people just go back for a second cup of coffee.

You power through the 2pm to 4pm block and come out on the other side feeling productive enough to elicit one final break. It’s the water cooler again. This time the conversation isn’t about external work life, but internal. You, Jake and Melissa size each other up on how much you got done today. Your reports might be fudged a little but you’re already on to Q3. Melissa is a perfectionist so she’s a little behind finishing up Q2, but she’s doing a thorough job so you like whenever she’s on your team for group projects. Jake is a slacker and wears it like a badge of honor. He makes you feel good about yourself because if you both had to outrun a bear, he’d be the guy trying to catch up to you. This water is so refreshing.

We round out our day by the best beverage of all, the one we’ve been looking forward to all day long - happy hour. Craft beers for the frat boys who finally outgrew croakies, wine for the sorostitutes who are actually, sincerely happy to be single for once, liquor for the management team who knows none of this matters, and scotch for the CEO’s who are still drunk from yesterday.

Yes indeed, a day in the life is a day with a beverage in hand.

1.23.15

Breakfast - 2 frosted blueberry poptarts
Lunch - leftover pot roast (homemade, cause Oooo I'm domestic)
Dinner - TBD


My Friend Cynicism

I just went through my list of blog ideas/topics that I've been keeping for well over a year and I was disappointed in myself. There are plenty of fantastic ideas, but I found that most were all very rooted in cynicism.

A few examples:

-Trendy names I don't trust

-Why I don't like photography

-Eternal post-summercamp-depression

-Nashville: a city of broken hearts

I've been battling cynicism all my life. And I will continue to battle it for the rest of my life. One of the biggest challenges in battling cynicism is identifying the source that encourages the behavior. In my case, it's been very rare that I am able to identify the source immediately. It's usually not until a few months have past and close friends or coworkers of mine point out that my attitude has changed, that I become aware of what's going on.

Remember when you were 12? Middle School. Oh yeah, the embarrassing years. And you started to make more friends at school who you wanted to hangout with on Friday night at the mall/movies. Your parents would let you go for the first couple of weeks but eventually they began to notice that your attitude was changing, and that you started treating them a certain way depending on who you had been hanging out with. "I don't think I like that Adam friend of yours. I can always tell when you've been hanging around that Adam."

That's what cynicism is for me. It's this friend that I catch myself hanging out with that affects all other areas of my life. And you know what? He's a friend I could really do without. My memories are sweeter without him. My interactions with strangers are more pleasant without him. My thirst for learning more about the world and pursuing knowledge is stronger when he's not there telling me I'm a know-it-all.

I'd like to wrap this up by saying that I'm kicking my friend cynicism to the curb, but the truth is he always finds a way back in, and I don't want to set myself up for failure. So instead I'm going to work more on identifying the source of my cynicism, and being mindful of pursuing healthy ways to deal with it and counter its' affects. If my cynicism friend starts hanging around, I'm going to try and introduce him to my friend Patience. Maybe Patience will teach him that everyone deserves their turn. Or maybe I could introduce him to my friend Perspective. Maybe Perspective can teach him to empathize rather than judge. Or even my friend Joy. Joy is highly contagious and she's pretty resilient too.

Yeah, what they say is true. Choose your friends wisely. Cause there are plenty of better friends to hangout with than cynicism.

1.2.15

Breakfast - two blueberry poptarts
Lunch - Chicken Parmesean
Dinner - Chicken and Rice


Three C's

Resolutions.

Last year about this time I posted my 2014 resolution: read more, talk less. By my standards, I succeeded. I read pretty consistently up until August, and I still talk a lot but I've learned to say less useless stuff (which is probably why I stopped blogging as much these last few months *chuckle, chuckle*). Overall, huge success with my 2014 resolution.

2015 resolution: Cultivate Core Community

Like that alliteration? I know, it's just the right amount of cheesy and the right amount of awesome.

What I've noticed is that I've been in a new city for 2 years now (so I guess it's not technically new anymore), and as an extrovert, I've succeeded in building community. I know people in this town, lots of them, and it's great because when I moved here I knew three. But the downfall of the extrovert (at least this one) is in drawing too much value and self worth from quantity over quality. How many people can I say hi to, not, how many people can I have a meaningful conversation with?

I went back to Florida for the holidays and was blessed to get to spend time with the majority of my lifelong best friends. But things were just different this time. Not in a bad way or a wrong way, but in a way that reaffirmed the unavoidable side effects of distance and time.

The body of Christ is a community, even Jesus had the 12 disciples. In other words, it's demonstrated biblically that humans were built for relationships; with God and with each other. I'm not saying you can force people to be your best friend (even though I'm secretly hoping the Titans draft Jameis Winston and we become BFFAEAE), but you can be more intentional about cultivating those core relationships.

I love my dog, a little too much. But, as much as I hate to admit it, a dog is not a person. So in 2015 I am committed to cultivating a core community.

12.4.14

Breakfast - two blueberry poptarts and OJ
Lunch - ritz crackers and cheese with a granola bar
Dinner - hopefully, homemade chicken and rice (yes, my domesticity has increased)


Decisions

Haven’t been in the mood to write in weeks. It’s kind of sad. But it’s also very telling. What I’ve learned is that my writing is driven by a number of things. And a few of those key driving factors have been absent from my life as of late, so it’s been challenging to get motivated.

I’ve been doing so great, though, lately. I destroyed November. I’m not going to say that I broke the curse, but I sure as heck made a great month out of it this year. My independence factor is soaring. I guess this is the season of life where you truly begin to feel like you’re becoming an adult. It’s making me proud in the best way possible.

When certain factors are removed or absent from your life, motive becomes much clearer and purer. Purer is a funny word to say out loud. But seriously, identifying the driving factors of your actions and decisions isn’t very complicated. 

Earlier this year I was in a big season of doing. I’m still a doer, I love being a doer, but recently I’ve become a decider. I am making great decisions. With plenty of distractions removed, I’m on a decision streak. Jack Donaghy calls this "Reaganing." 

The challenge with this is that, like the FSU Seminoles eventually losing someday, I will eventually make a bad decision. It’s inevitable. But when the Noles do lose, I hope they do so with honor, respect and class. I hope they leave everything out on the field and are able to walk away with their heads held high. Similarly, I hope when I eventually make a bad decision, that it’s a good bad decision. Whatever that means. 

So I think that’s what this next phase of life and growing into adulthood looks like; learning how to make good bad decisions. And I have no idea what that looks like yet, but I’ll try and keep you posted.

11.3.14

GUEST POST

Enjoy this humorous glimpse into the psyche of by my best friend Chris Pope; a husband of one, a father of two, a friend of many, and an eater of fast food. Keep a lookout for his upcoming book Horseshoes and Hand Grenades: too close for comfort.
                                                                                                                          

Breakfast-coffee

Lunch-subway cold cut

Dinner-grilled burgers and hot dogs

Millenials have been fooled when it comes to fast food. 

How many times have you been in between meetings, or had to be somewhere in ten minutes but skipped a meal? In a rush, you head to your local McDonalds or Wendy's to grab a quick bite, five minutes max, right? If you're like me, you've been burned countless times by these so called "fast food" chains. They aren't fast at all. 

There was a time where fast food was as advertised. Days seemingly vanquished to history books where McDonalds was counting burgers by the millions (until it got lazy and put simply "billions and billions"). Getting quantity of product out seemed a priority to these archaic fast food prototypes. But the 21st century proclaims this as fallacy. 

Here is the real fast food formula :

1) Hire young, desperate employees. They are malia lie and cheap. 

2) Train them up to speed.

3) Once qualified for a pay raise, fire them so finances stay green. 

To solve the problem of this constant turnover, fast food corporations have conditioned let down after let down; it's almost not a pure fast food experience if you actually get your burger how you ordered it. Not to mention it is so cheap due to the processed fats, poor grade meat, and garbage quality. 

What's the answer? Positively reinforce chains that meet the standards you enjoy. Personally, that means going to local Subways and one very specific Wendy's, sprinkled in your standard Chik-fil-a as the standard for fast food service. 

Otherwise, change your expectations. Enjoy the guessing game of what-will-I-actually-get and bring a fully charged iPhone to keep you company.