3.23.14

Breakfast - 2 blueberry poptarts
Lunch - 5 McDougal chicken fingers tossed in buffalo sauce with fries
Dinner - Nachos


It's time to say this out loud.

I'm terrified. 

Almost a year and a half ago I ended a very serious relationship with someone I cared for. It was easily the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life.

The decision I made was based on a very simple, yet powerful question: Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person? At the root of dating, that is all there is to it. Of course, I didn't know that when I was 19 and jumped into a relationship but four years later that's what it came down to.

Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?

If the answer is anything but a 100% solid, confident YES, don't do it.

That is my humble opinion. I mean, I'm not married and I like cats, so you probably can't trust me. But my personal opinion is that anything but a 100% solid, confident YES is a maybe. And let me explain what a maybe is.

For four years of my life I woke up every morning expecting God to tell me something. A very simple something. For four years I waited to hear God say "yes." That's it. That's all I wanted. Everyday I asked God to tell me if this girl was the one for me, hoping for a simple "yes." And you know what I got? Everyday I got a maybe.

The maybe is the gray area where you are unsure of what the future looks like, so you focus on the present. And the present is usually ok so you tell yourself that you'll wait and see if tomorrow holds anything different. But all tomorrow holds is more grey area. So slowly, waiting for tomorrow day by day, the grey area warps time and allows four years to slip by you. And that is when you realize the maybe is human.

Everyday when I asked God that question he gave me a direct answer. But I'm human, which means I didn't hear him. What I interpreted as a maybe God was trying to tell me was a no. The maybe is a coward's no. And I am terrified of falling into the gray maybe again; terrified of being too human to hear God.

That's probably my number one reason for staying single right now (#2 would undoubtedly be having the maturity level of a 7th grader).

But in all seriousness I'm terrified. Scared to death. Breaking up with someone was so hard. So painful. Because you can see the hurt you're causing. Then you have to live knowing how bad you hurt someone that didn't deserve it. And then you have to live knowing that all they want is to forget you; the good and the bad. That's where the real pain is; knowing someone wants to erase you. Completely.

Trust me when I say that pain like that will screw with your self esteem big time.

It's funny, Christians often talk about how God takes us out of our comfort zones to teach us stuff, to help us learn a lesson. But all I ever learn from uncomfortable situations is how to avoid them. I'm an avoider. And beyond that, even, I'm a runner.

So I'm single. Because I'm scared of the maybe. Because I'm avoiding any potential pain and discomfort. And because I haven't met Taylor Swift yet.

This is who I am and this is my reality. I'm terrified. I wish this blog post ended a little more lighthearted than this but it doesn't. Because in some way, shape or form we're all just living secretly terrified lives anyway.

3.14.14

Breakfast - 2 Blueberry Poptarts

Lunch - Jason's Deli Chicken Alfredo

Dinner - 1/3 of a 2 liter of Wild Cherry Pepsi

One of those days

Every now and again we all have "one of those days." You know, the kind with the negative connotation. Whether it's just a slow, frustrating day where nothing seems to be going your way or a day of sheer tragedy and pain, we all can relate to the phrase.

One thing I've been contemplating lately about "those days" is how when you are in it, like totally in the moment of discouragement, all you want is to not be in that position. You recall all the times you were happy and too busy making memories to waste a second of time caring about the inevitability of "one of those days" approaching you in the near future. And while you're there, stuck with this inescapable feeling of overwhelming anxiety, you ask the universe and God to be anywhere but where you are. To take you away from everything you have to face. To speed up time so it can all be over and you can get back to being normal.

Normal. That's all you want. Which is funny, because when things are normal all you want is for things to be great.

Humans, we're never satisfied.

I think the key to dealing with these kinds of situations is anticipation. Anticipation that these days are inevitable and that the feeling of "anything but this right now" will visit you again. Because when you anticipate it you gain a new perspective. A perspective of appreciation for the simple and normal. You begin to live consciously of what right now could be and appreciate it for what it is, or rather, for what it is not. 

Every simple, sweet day where you aren't sucked into despair becomes beautiful. Rather than living a life of complacency and contentment, you live a life of appreciation of beauty in the mundane.

Now here's the other end of the spectrum. Most people struggle with feeling either restless or useless when things are just normal. "Gosh, I'm stuck in this dead-end job and I feel like I'm meant for so much more." Our easier-said-then-done culture loves to tweet tid bits of inspiration that tell you "drop everything and chase your dreams right now!" but reality doesn't exactly agree with this mentality. Most of us have bills and responsibilities to others that we can't easily disregard for a chance at "the dream."

I believe in timing. That God has you taken care of and at just the right time things are going to fall into place for you to chase your dream. Gradually things will begin to go from normal to great. Step by step. The key is being ready and aware when it happens. Most people hate leaving things up to God or "fate" because we live in a very impatient society. How then do we go about gaining more patience?

Now we've come full circle.

If anticipation leads to appreciation, and appreciation leads to seeing beauty in the mundane, then our tolerance level rises and we become more patient with where we are at in life. We might be anxious for the next thing to hurry up and get here but if we learn to revel in the beauty of now we become patient and willing to wait for God's perfect plan.

All I am trying to get at here is the idea that when "one of those days" hits you, embrace it. Soak it up. Allow yourself to go through the motions cause there is nothing else you can do. But tomorrow will come. It's inevitable. And when it does you'll be grateful that today is no longer yesterday, and that you are one day closer to God's perfect plan of you chasing your dream. 

3.7.14

Lunch - Teriyaki chicken and white rice

Choice breeds paralysis

I'm at a Pei Wei right now. I kind of hate Pei Wei but also kind of tolerate it. It's a classier version of Panda Express but a less classier version of P.F. Changs. And if you ask me, all Asian cuisine tastes the same anyway.

Pei Wei, to me, is a nice compromise between American and Asian cuisine. I think most would agree.

But the thing I absolutely HATE about Pei Wei is that they always have those 1000 flavor coke machines. You know, the ones where you can literally have any flavor soda your heart would ever desire?

Those machines are the worst. And here are three reasons why.

First of all, there are certain flavors of soda that your heart should NEVER desire. Which means they should not exist. But they do anyway, because of this stupid machine.

Second, these machines serve exclusively one customer at a time. The standard fountain usually allows for at least two people to fill up at the same time. Which helps keep the line moving. But these machines... Whoa buddy. One person at a time only. And on top of that there's only one spout. Which means you inevitably get the residual flavor of whatever the person before you was drinking. Nothing is worse than Dr Pepper with a hint of Purple Fanta...

Third and final reason: choice breeds paralysis. One of my favorite TED Talks covers this concept. You can view it here. But basically it's the idea that marketers exploited the selling point of "choice" to the point where consumers are now paralyzed and filled with buyer's remorse. With so many options of something to choose from, how can you make a quick decision that you are 100% confident in? Additionally, how can you not be left with the feeling that there was a better option out there and you failed to pick it? The smart marketers know that the fewer the options, the better the sales. One size fits all, if you will. The Ford Model T mentality. 

Fortunately choosing a soda flavor is a pretty low involvement decision. So they can get away with these machines. But I still argue that it's the principal of the matter.

Every time I come to Pei Wei I end up waiting at the soda fountain behind some adolescent teenager who simply doesn't know what to do. It's the worst. And they always end up dumping out whatever concoction they've decided to sample and instead go with a standard coke or something. Because true satisfaction isn't found in the false free will that choice provides, but rather it is found in the familiarity of consistent limitations and boundaries that we (or the world) set for ourselves.

3.6.14

Breakfast - Blueberry pop tarts
Lunch - Turkey, Bacon and Cheese and a bag of potato chips
Dinner - Bagel and cream cheese, and oreos

Star Struck

I remember the first time I was star struck.

Being star stuck is different than just meeting someone famous. I don't remember the first time I met someone famous, but I do remember the first time I was star struck.

Growing up I played sports. I started with soccer, then moved to baseball and when I hit my growth spurt in middle school it became all about basketball. I dreamed of someday playing in the NBA. Shot hoops in my front driveway for hours on end literally daydreaming of making the buzzer beater to win the championship. That obviously never happened. But I did make the team in middle school and in high school.

The basketball teams I played on were never really good. Like we didn't win games. I think our records were consistently 5-22 or something horrendous like that. So for me, basketball was never about winning. It was about the way the net splashed when you made a shot and it was about the shoes.

I love shoes.

And my mom always made sure I had the best shoes. Cause you had to wear uniforms at the middle school I went to so shoes were the only way to really stand out. When I was in the 6th grade I got my first real pair of basketball shoes, The TMac's. I was the first kid in school to have them so I was instantly popular (at least for a week). I remember everything about those shoes. They were jet black Adidas with a royal blue swooping rubber toe cap. 

Jump forward four years to Christmas Eve 2005. I was in Houston, TX with family and we went to First Colony mall for some last minute shopping. I was walking into Radio Shack with my brother to check out some iPods when I literally "struck" what seemed like a brick wall… 

After recovering from the blow, I looked up and found myself staring into the one normal and one lazy eye of 6ft 9in Tracy McGrady (his NBA profile listed him at 6-8 but I assure you he was a full 6-9). I was in shock. I had literally bumped into a NBA basketball all-star. The exact all-star whose shoes I wore in the 6th grade.

I didn't say anything. How could I? He kept on walking and I was literally in shock. My heart was pounding so fast. I turned around and somewhat stalked him thru the mall to make sure that was really him. It was. I remember I spent the next two days of my life second guessing if everyone around me was a super star athlete or celebrity. 

That's what being start struck is - when an encounter with someone impacts your entire way of thinking and takes you to a different place. It blows my mind that that can even happen, that famous people can be that influential. All Tracy McGrady did was touch me and look at me with his lazy eye. That's it. And I will remember that moment for the rest of my life…

That's my fascination; the power of influence.

And that's why I do what I do. Certain people have been blessed with a platform of extreme influence and though I am not one of them, I have been blessed with a position to influence the influencers. So that is the focus and that is the goal - to facilitate the influencers in harnessing their platform for good. 

It is easy to get wrapped up in the day to day affairs of business but every now and again I get the opportunity to bring the focus back to what it's all about: fans. Some free tickets, a signed CD or even coordinating a special meet and greet; helping other people have their "star struck" moment is what it's all about.