9.15.13

Being selective with love.

I'm not the best with saying the words "I love you." And before you start thinking that you know where this is going, let me reassure you that you don't. This post is not about relationships, young love or commitment issues. Not at all.

I can say "I love you" to my immediate family and that's about it. I can say it to my extended family from time to time, but I don't really see them often or talk to them often so it can be bizarre at times.

I've been working a lot more on telling my true best friends that I love them because I'm beginning to realize how valuable best friends really are in this next phase of life. Growing up there was a huge stigma around guys telling other guys that they love each other. That was called "gay." So then they created "No Homo" which was funny and somewhat bridged the gap but still took away from the true meaning of the phrase.

I think the reason I am so stingy or selective with my love is because I want it to be such a valuable and sincere thing. I don't want to tell everyone in the world that I love them because that would be insincere and untrue. Sure, I'd love to love everyone, but I'm just not capable of it. Imagine if you truly tried loving everyone... Psshh! Exhausting! Have you ever known one of those people that uses those three words entirely too often and it just makes you uncomfortable? Like, I've met you twice and we're just friends and you've already told me you love me... And because of that you can't help but be a little questionable of their sincerity when they say it?

I think I am finally at a place of maturity, though, where I can tell another friend of mine that I love them and they get it. I also think they appreciate hearing it because they're my friends and they know how hard it is for me to say it out loud. So for them, I think they know it means a lot when I say it.

The reason I'm thinking about love right now is because of the sermon tonight. Topic was pride. But this short little segment nailed me to the wall. Pastor Pete spoke about being a people pleaser (which I believe I am). People pleasers are good at being loved but not good at giving love. We typically think that by pleasing others we are showing them love, but that's not the case at all. Instead, we please others to acquire their love but never truly show them the love they deserve.

This one got me. I've been pleasing people, not loving them.

The whole purpose of Christianity is love. Loving the least of these. I call myself a Christian but all I do is please people and hoard my love up. Why can't I love more freely? Why can't I allow myself to truly show love towards people, rather than focus on pleasing them to acquire their love?

The quick lesson here was "learn to love instead of being loved."

My epiphany of the evening lies in allowing God to transform my heart so that I can be the Christian he has called me to be. A Christian that is not selective with his love for fear of being insincere, but is instead fearlessly sincere in unselectively loving others.

I always had this idea that I would save all of my love for my future wife. And I told myself that she would love me more because I saved it all for her. She would feel so special and honored and valued.

Now I realize that's not true. That's not the kind of woman I want to marry. The kind of woman I want to be with is the kind of woman that loves me more because of how much I love others. That puts the life back in me when I am "exhausted" from loving others too much. That makes me a better Christian by enabling me to love others, thus strengthening our relationship with God and our relationship with each other. And because of this we will achieve a level of love far beyond the love I could have ever imagined I would be able to give her by hoarding it all up.

Love wins... but there's so much more to it all.