Lunch - Chuy's chicken quesadilla
Dinner - crackers and cheese
Going Crazy
I'm beginning to understand how people go crazy.
Remember after high school when you went away to college for your freshman year and the world felt new? You got jazzed on life and came back for the summer so energized about the world, feeling like you could conquer anything? But while you were home catching up with your old friends, the stories would begin to circle about that one kid. The kid who unfriended everyone on Facebook, joined a fraternity or something and is now a completely different person. The kid who went crazy.
Fast forward 5 years and now that kid is nothing but folklore. Maybe he's in the African jungle helping to fix orphans with clef pallets. Maybe he's in silicone valley inventing apps that help us determine how dehydrated we are based on the color of our pee. And maybe he's a college dropout who still lives at home and bar tends to make ends meet. Who knows?
But I think I finally get that kid.
He was the bold one. No matter how he turned out or what he went through, I think he was the bold one. He was the one who wasn't afraid to let go of the past and go full tilt into the future. He wiped the slate clean, said what the heck, and did exactly what he wanted to do. He reinvented himself.
And I think the only reason this guy gets labeled as the crazy one is because he was so all-in. To the people in his new life, I'm sure he was just a normal dude. But to the old people who knew him prior to his extreme deviation, they think a screw got loose upstairs.
I can't bring myself to do that; to wipe the slate clean completely. I'm afraid of being labeled the crazy guy. But boy do I envy him. Who of us hasn't entertained the idea of deleting social media, getting rid of our phones and going completely off the grid Mosquito Coast style?
For me, the allure of the clean slate lies in getting the opportunity to re-prioritize and re-evaluate everything; all of this. I really don't know how to put that into words any better. Simply a re-evaluation of life, how you spend it and who you spend it with.
I think this becomes most tempting for me when I'm feeling the pressure of my past. What I mean by that is that I am selfish, shallow and insecure. I am tempted to start over and let go of old reputations, but I can't do it because I am holding on too strongly to what people think of me. I mean, I worked very hard to subconsciously manipulate the way you perceive me. I have strategically planned and crafted posts, tweets, text messages, phone calls and hangouts to manage my reputation. I'm very thorough, intentional and over the top. I can't help it. It's who I am. Even now, I want to tell you about how I have a Masters in the Science of Marketing with a focus on Corporate Reputation Management because I want you to see how relevant that is to this topic of conversation, while simultaneously causing you to think of me as educated. My guess? It semi-worked.
The irony is that I (and I'll go ahead and say "we" cause I doubt I'm the only one with this problem) we are all going crazy trying not to look crazy. And the truth is that it is exhausting. That's why I'm starting to understand how people go crazy. It's not that a screw has gotten loose upstairs, it's that they've truly stopped caring what other people think and they've found a relaxing freedom to re-evaluate their lives.
I'm exhausted and envious of that relaxing freedom. Thankfully, simply admitting that helps.
If you're a friend of mine, and I mean really a friend, please call me out next time you see me going crazy trying not to look crazy. Call me out so we can be human together and talk about it. It'll be supes rad I'm sure. Thanks.
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