Lunch - cheezits
Dinner - chickfila
Dreams
You can't eat and you can't sleep. Your focus is sharp but selective. Remembering and recalling every little detail is a side effect, as is the anxiety that comes from the uncertainty and waiting.
Music sounds different. You can listen to a song you've heard a thousand times before, but some how it's like you're hearing it for the first time all over again. The lyrics speak to you differently.
The last time you felt this way was when you were an irrationally emotional teenager. It's cool to finally feel it all again because it reminds you that you're alive and it lets you know there's something in this universe much greater than yourself. Something beyond your control and almost unobtainable.
I mean it sucks because it will take your legs out from under you. When you spend years in the confidence of who you are and of your place in this world, you kind of start to believe you're invincible. I am far too confident for this. Too sure of myself and of the process by which the world interacts to be as shaken and unsteady as I am right now. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit... But yet, I do. I do like it.
This thing comes along and you realize the control it has over you. Very humbling and bittersweet. It reaffirms the beauty of the world. Reaffirms that there are things you are unaware of. It makes you a student again. You thought you knew but you have no clue.
And that's the beauty of it all, there are still things to be discovered.
But the worst part is that you can't trust it. It's autonomous. And it comes and goes so quickly. As much as you want it to be dependent on something that you can identify, it isn't so you can't. The temptation to associate it with a source becomes your point of vulnerability, and since you can't truly identify the source you can't trust it.
Truth is life's easier without it.
But it's not as full.
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