Lunch - Swanky Tacos chicken quesadilla
Dinner - it's midnight and I just realized I didn't eat dinner...
Relationships Are Secondary
I think a lot these days. I wouldn't say I over think. I'm definitely not an over-analyzer. But I'd say I've begun to think critically a lot more lately (which may or may not exhaust some friends of mine, sorry).
My brother and I were talking yesterday and he said something that… got me thinking.
Me - "What do you want? What's your purpose?"
Brother - "I just want to be in love and in a God honoring relationship"
Me - "But what after that?"
Brother - "Not sure it matters…"
Not sure it matters… How depressing?
What happens after relationships? I feel like we are raised to believe that marriage is an endgame goal; like landing that perfect job or achieving the American dream. Our youth is saturated with Disney and rom-com daydreams where happily ever after is all you need. Just get to the happily ever after and nothing else matters after that.
The problem is that I'm watching a lot of relationships that made it to the happily ever after crumble right now. And I think that has to do with an imbalance of priorities.
I'm single and I don't eat vegetables so obviously I'm no expert, but since I've been thinking a lot lately, I started to approach this idea of relationships, priorities and endgame goals from a new perspective.
I believe relationships are secondary.
God put you on this planet for a very unique and specific purpose. As Christians, our highest calling in life is to pursue that purpose. That's priority number one. Which means the highest that relationships can be on the priority list is number two. Relationships are secondary to purpose.
Now before you get all lame and technical on me saying "What if my purpose is relationships!?" let me explain.
Relationships are secondary because they are facilitative. This is a good thing. Whether romantic or friendly, I believe in relationships, I do. But they should not be viewed as the end goal. They should be viewed as a tool of encouragement and support in helping your counterpart to pursue their purpose. To me, being "in love and in a God honoring relationship" looks a lot like acknowledging your position on the priority list of your partner as secondary. Owning your role of supporter, encourager and sacrificer so that someone else can pursue their purpose. The flip side of this, of course, is that you too should be pursuing your own purpose and intentionally allowing people into your life who facilitate that process for you, not hinder it. Which I'm sure gets complicated and is best answered by the concept of finding balance.
Ambition is attractive. I hope to find someone really ambitious someday. And maybe this is wishful thinking, but I would hope that that attractive ambition would continue after "I do." Which means I need to be ready to be secondary.
Don't pursue a partner as if they are an endgame goal. Pursue a partner that challenges you to fully achieve your purpose and will continue to challenge you to pursue your purpose for the rest of ever. Pursue someone who is ok with being secondary, someone who will be an encourager, supporter and sacrificer. And when you find that person, be inspired by them to turnaround and do the same thing for them. Lift each other up. I think that's part of what it's all about. I think that's part of what happily ever after is.
No comments:
Post a Comment