7.29.14

Breakfast - 2 frosted blueberry poptarts
Lunch - Brixx Pizza
Dinner - ritz crackers and cheese probably

Expectations

I live my life with two expectations:

1. To expect the world to expect everything from me
2. To expect nothing in return 

These expectations keep me happy. They challenge me to give my all everyday without motive. I don’t lay it all out there so certain efforts will ever be acknowledged, valued or reciprocated, I do it because that’s what you’re supposed to do. These expectations make life pleasant and minimize any potential opportunity for disappointment.

But this weekend I realized that these two expectations I’ve created for myself have become more of a shield than a mantra.

I spent last Thursday through Sunday partaking in an experience unlike anything I’ve ever done before. I’d try to explain it but I simply couldn’t come close. Like, not even on the same planet close. All you need to know is that 50 strangers gathered together to embark on a journey that ended in real, authentic healing. Spiritual healing.

Everyone took something different away from this experience; this Encounter. I witnessed multiple breakthroughs happen for several individuals. My breakthrough? Man, it rocked my world.

I was born and raised with a strong faith in Jesus. I’m proud of that and I’m blessed by that. But this code, this mantra of expectations I live by, has become a shield in guarding me from putting any kind of faith in people. People are broken and this is a fallen world, so why have faith in people when they’re just going to disappoint you? <— My mindset before this weekend.

This weekend I had a moment.

A moment that rocked my world and gave me reason to believe in people again; in their goodness, potential and beauty. Yes, we’re broken, but there is a silver lining in that brokenness and there is value that can be created out of that brokenness. Someone gave me value. These people gave me value. They looked into my core and decided they wanted me to live. Not so they could expect things from me, but so they could lift me up and carry me when I thought no one ever would.

I’m grateful today. Grateful for these beautiful individuals who shattered my expectations and restored my faith in people. For anyone and everyone, I highly recommend you check out the Encounter Training experience. You won’t regret it!

7.23.14

Breakfast - 2 blueberry poptarts
Lunch - chicken noodle soup and half a box of wheat thins
Dinner - half a Publix "mojo" rotisserie chicken


Sunshine

Today is my mother's birthday.

I love my mom. She is the most incredible human I have ever met. She not only raised me, but you could say that she raised half of Tampa Bay as well. It's true. For 15 years, the majority of Tampa Bay middle schoolers visited her youth group at one point or another, I assure you.

My mother is many things, but at the same time my mother is one thing. My mother is sunshine.

Today is the one day of the year that we get to dedicate to Sherrie and the ray of sunshine that she is in this world; lighting up the lives of so many people and lifting their spirits from doom and gloom.

About 6 months ago Sherrie transitioned from 15 years of full-time middle school youth ministry to being a pastor of care. Care-Bear-Sherr. That's my mom.

I'm so proud of her and the joy that she's now bringing to the community in her new position. Nobody knows how to care like a mother, and beyond that, nobody knows how to care like MY mother.

So here's to Care-Bear-Sherr and the sunshine that she is to us all. I love you mom. It's a new chapter, and while you've spent so much of your life being the sunshine that lifts the spirits of others, it's your turn now. It's time to let your spirit soar!

7.18.14

Breakfast - 2 frosted blueberry poptarts
Lunch - Zaxby's kickin' chicken sandwich
Dinner - Pizza I hope


Public Restrooms

Every time I use a public restroom I whistle the Lord of the Rings theme song.

Every. Single. Time.

Do you guys have any idea how fun that little diddy is? It's powerfully charged with inspiration. Pretty sure I've been thanked before by a fellow bathroom user for lifting their spirits with this tune. And I'm waiting for the day when someone whistles it back to me in harmony or something. I mean, I might have to visit Comicon for that experience to happen, but it would seriously make me so happy.

Public restrooms are the worst. The floors are moist and nasty, they smell funny, and those child-lock no-drip faucet spouts get me every time. You know, the ones where you have to hold it down and wash one hand at a time? So difficult. But on the other end of the spectrum you have those new modern sinks that are huge and ornate, but all seem to suffer the same fatal design flaw. HUGE SINKS, little faucets. Why make a sink bowl the size of Texas but use a spout the size of Rhode Island? My hands are at least the size of Michigan and there's no way all of Michigan is fitting under Rhode Island. If you're not tracking with me yet, see the picture below for reference, then imagine me leaning forward trying to fit my hands under the stream of water and continuously bumping my knuckles against the porcelain while mumbling my frustration under my breath… 

Another issue, when you're as tall as I am it doesn't matter that there are stall barriers. I can still make unintentional awkward eye contact with anyone. On top of that, my bladder is already a little shy. Which is why I started whistling in the first place. I think the comfort and warmth of this Middle Earth melody helps me take care of business when I'm in unfamiliar territory. Cause that's the power of music. It's the same thing as when smells, tastes, or textures elicit certain memories. It's sensory stimulation.

By now I'm probably like Pavlov's dog. Play that tune and I might pee my pants.

There's literally no point in me sharing this tidbit of info other than to vent my frustration with public restrooms and to write about the Lord of the Rings like I said I would. So there, it's done.

7.8.14

Breakfast - 2 Blueberry Poptarts
Lunch - Jimmy Johns (roast beef, ham and cheese)
Dinner - Crackers and Cheese


Uneasy

I've felt a little uneasy lately.

People are reading this. Not like lots of people. But more people than just my Icelandic friends. And I don't know what to make of that.

I mean it's all good. That's the point of this thing. In fact it's flattering anyone would waste their time here. I never expected people to read this blog, it was merely a landing page for thoughts and concepts that I wanted to process out loud, if you will.

But now when people talk about this thing with me face to face it just gives me a weird feeling. And I can't figure out if it's a bad feeling or a good one. Like the other night at church, somehow an excerpt of my blog was read on stage… wow… very humbling… but also, terrifying.

Truth be told I believed I was too extroverted and confident to ever be affected by something like this. I'm not an artist who has to deal with the self-consciousness of sharing their work with others, I'm just a dude who simply doesn't know any better and goes for it. But I guess it's like, by being vulnerable and writing these things for anyone to read, I'm losing a sense of privacy that I never knew I valued or needed. 

It's been over two weeks since I last posted. I'd like to say that I've been busy but when you're a doer "busy" is a lie. I've truthfully been somewhat avoiding this. What do I write now that people are reading this? Now that people can analyze my words and gain an understanding of who I am without even meeting me? And if most feedback has been good, how do I follow it up with something even better?

So I'm dealing with a little bit of self-imposed pressure, a little bit of insecurity and a little bit of excitement all wrapped into one. It's all just weird.

I'm trying to remind myself of the reason I ever decided to start blogging. I think by rediscovering that reason and keeping it in the forefront of my mind, all the other stuff will just fade to black. Cause right now my focus is being challenged. I'm tempted to allow my focus to shift to the readers rather than the content. It's the people pleaser in me. It makes me want to write stuff that pleases the people, rather than stuff that challenges me and is real.

Whatever. It's all dumb. This wasting my time on insecurity is lame. My therapy in dealing with this is to write about it, post it, then move on. And that's what I'm doing. Literally. Right now. It's happening. And you know what? I think I just got to that point…

Yep. I'm here. 

And now, I'm gone.

Boom. I'm over it.

My next post is going to be about Lord of the Rings.