Lunch - Jimmy Johns (roast beef, ham and cheese)
Dinner - Crackers and Cheese
Uneasy
I've felt a little uneasy lately.
People are reading this. Not like lots of people. But more people than just my Icelandic friends. And I don't know what to make of that.
I mean it's all good. That's the point of this thing. In fact it's flattering anyone would waste their time here. I never expected people to read this blog, it was merely a landing page for thoughts and concepts that I wanted to process out loud, if you will.
But now when people talk about this thing with me face to face it just gives me a weird feeling. And I can't figure out if it's a bad feeling or a good one. Like the other night at church, somehow an excerpt of my blog was read on stage… wow… very humbling… but also, terrifying.
Truth be told I believed I was too extroverted and confident to ever be affected by something like this. I'm not an artist who has to deal with the self-consciousness of sharing their work with others, I'm just a dude who simply doesn't know any better and goes for it. But I guess it's like, by being vulnerable and writing these things for anyone to read, I'm losing a sense of privacy that I never knew I valued or needed.
It's been over two weeks since I last posted. I'd like to say that I've been busy but when you're a doer "busy" is a lie. I've truthfully been somewhat avoiding this. What do I write now that people are reading this? Now that people can analyze my words and gain an understanding of who I am without even meeting me? And if most feedback has been good, how do I follow it up with something even better?
So I'm dealing with a little bit of self-imposed pressure, a little bit of insecurity and a little bit of excitement all wrapped into one. It's all just weird.
I'm trying to remind myself of the reason I ever decided to start blogging. I think by rediscovering that reason and keeping it in the forefront of my mind, all the other stuff will just fade to black. Cause right now my focus is being challenged. I'm tempted to allow my focus to shift to the readers rather than the content. It's the people pleaser in me. It makes me want to write stuff that pleases the people, rather than stuff that challenges me and is real.
Whatever. It's all dumb. This wasting my time on insecurity is lame. My therapy in dealing with this is to write about it, post it, then move on. And that's what I'm doing. Literally. Right now. It's happening. And you know what? I think I just got to that point…
Yep. I'm here.
And now, I'm gone.
Boom. I'm over it.
My next post is going to be about Lord of the Rings.
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