10.20.14

Breakfast - 3 eggo waffles
Lunch - pb&j, cookie butter roll, cooler ranch doritos
Dinner - chicken and boxed pasta


Running

I've been running a lot lately.

And for the first time in awhile I'm neither running towards something, nor from something. I'm just running.

I'm a seasons and phases guy. Back in January and February I was in the season of reading books and thinking critically, which is why I was posting so frequently about all the thoughts I was having. 8 months later, here I am in a season of exercise. Scheduling time at the gym instead of time at a coffee shop. I haven't picked up a book in over a month...

I've been through the exercise season before; a couple of times. It gets very addictive because it's a great excuse to buy new shoes and you really start to feel good about yourself. It's like one step below the crossfit ego - you're not telling everyone you meet about how great your 5am circuit workout was, but you're still sizing yourself up against old friends on Facebook who used to be hot but got fat.

I'm not a great runner. Not even a good runner, really. But I can do it. I'm capable. So I do.

Running and exercising used to be a means to an end for me. Most people get into athletics for competition and an ego stroke, but I'm not competitive. I got into it for reputation (Going Crazy). I found out very early on that people really respect someone who races "triathlons." They don't even care if you're good or not, they are just impressed and intimidated. It's hilarious (because I'm neither good nor intimidating).

Additionally, I would sometimes use it as a tool. Like, a form of meditation or penance. I used to not listen to music while I exercised because that would be my time to think and process on personal stuff, good and bad. I would say most people are familiar with this. You can mentally talk yourself into a place where all of a sudden your heart is beating with adrenaline, your legs are pumping at an unfamiliar pace, your lungs are burning for more oxygen, but you don't care anymore cause emotion, not oxygen, is now fueling this whole thing, and each second longer is one step closer to peace.

Recently, however, all of that is just gone for me. There's no competition. There's no reputation. There's no meditation or penance. There's even nothing profound to go along with this nothingness. Cause it simply doesn't matter where I go, how long it takes me to get there, or if I walked along the way.

When everything else is removed you're left with two feet, the surface of the earth, and God given capability. And when that's all that's left, theres something that's very God-honoring in still going for it.

This is a good season for me.