12.4.14

Breakfast - two blueberry poptarts and OJ
Lunch - ritz crackers and cheese with a granola bar
Dinner - hopefully, homemade chicken and rice (yes, my domesticity has increased)


Decisions

Haven’t been in the mood to write in weeks. It’s kind of sad. But it’s also very telling. What I’ve learned is that my writing is driven by a number of things. And a few of those key driving factors have been absent from my life as of late, so it’s been challenging to get motivated.

I’ve been doing so great, though, lately. I destroyed November. I’m not going to say that I broke the curse, but I sure as heck made a great month out of it this year. My independence factor is soaring. I guess this is the season of life where you truly begin to feel like you’re becoming an adult. It’s making me proud in the best way possible.

When certain factors are removed or absent from your life, motive becomes much clearer and purer. Purer is a funny word to say out loud. But seriously, identifying the driving factors of your actions and decisions isn’t very complicated. 

Earlier this year I was in a big season of doing. I’m still a doer, I love being a doer, but recently I’ve become a decider. I am making great decisions. With plenty of distractions removed, I’m on a decision streak. Jack Donaghy calls this "Reaganing." 

The challenge with this is that, like the FSU Seminoles eventually losing someday, I will eventually make a bad decision. It’s inevitable. But when the Noles do lose, I hope they do so with honor, respect and class. I hope they leave everything out on the field and are able to walk away with their heads held high. Similarly, I hope when I eventually make a bad decision, that it’s a good bad decision. Whatever that means. 

So I think that’s what this next phase of life and growing into adulthood looks like; learning how to make good bad decisions. And I have no idea what that looks like yet, but I’ll try and keep you posted.

11.3.14

GUEST POST

Enjoy this humorous glimpse into the psyche of by my best friend Chris Pope; a husband of one, a father of two, a friend of many, and an eater of fast food. Keep a lookout for his upcoming book Horseshoes and Hand Grenades: too close for comfort.
                                                                                                                          

Breakfast-coffee

Lunch-subway cold cut

Dinner-grilled burgers and hot dogs

Millenials have been fooled when it comes to fast food. 

How many times have you been in between meetings, or had to be somewhere in ten minutes but skipped a meal? In a rush, you head to your local McDonalds or Wendy's to grab a quick bite, five minutes max, right? If you're like me, you've been burned countless times by these so called "fast food" chains. They aren't fast at all. 

There was a time where fast food was as advertised. Days seemingly vanquished to history books where McDonalds was counting burgers by the millions (until it got lazy and put simply "billions and billions"). Getting quantity of product out seemed a priority to these archaic fast food prototypes. But the 21st century proclaims this as fallacy. 

Here is the real fast food formula :

1) Hire young, desperate employees. They are malia lie and cheap. 

2) Train them up to speed.

3) Once qualified for a pay raise, fire them so finances stay green. 

To solve the problem of this constant turnover, fast food corporations have conditioned let down after let down; it's almost not a pure fast food experience if you actually get your burger how you ordered it. Not to mention it is so cheap due to the processed fats, poor grade meat, and garbage quality. 

What's the answer? Positively reinforce chains that meet the standards you enjoy. Personally, that means going to local Subways and one very specific Wendy's, sprinkled in your standard Chik-fil-a as the standard for fast food service. 

Otherwise, change your expectations. Enjoy the guessing game of what-will-I-actually-get and bring a fully charged iPhone to keep you company.

10.20.14

Breakfast - 3 eggo waffles
Lunch - pb&j, cookie butter roll, cooler ranch doritos
Dinner - chicken and boxed pasta


Running

I've been running a lot lately.

And for the first time in awhile I'm neither running towards something, nor from something. I'm just running.

I'm a seasons and phases guy. Back in January and February I was in the season of reading books and thinking critically, which is why I was posting so frequently about all the thoughts I was having. 8 months later, here I am in a season of exercise. Scheduling time at the gym instead of time at a coffee shop. I haven't picked up a book in over a month...

I've been through the exercise season before; a couple of times. It gets very addictive because it's a great excuse to buy new shoes and you really start to feel good about yourself. It's like one step below the crossfit ego - you're not telling everyone you meet about how great your 5am circuit workout was, but you're still sizing yourself up against old friends on Facebook who used to be hot but got fat.

I'm not a great runner. Not even a good runner, really. But I can do it. I'm capable. So I do.

Running and exercising used to be a means to an end for me. Most people get into athletics for competition and an ego stroke, but I'm not competitive. I got into it for reputation (Going Crazy). I found out very early on that people really respect someone who races "triathlons." They don't even care if you're good or not, they are just impressed and intimidated. It's hilarious (because I'm neither good nor intimidating).

Additionally, I would sometimes use it as a tool. Like, a form of meditation or penance. I used to not listen to music while I exercised because that would be my time to think and process on personal stuff, good and bad. I would say most people are familiar with this. You can mentally talk yourself into a place where all of a sudden your heart is beating with adrenaline, your legs are pumping at an unfamiliar pace, your lungs are burning for more oxygen, but you don't care anymore cause emotion, not oxygen, is now fueling this whole thing, and each second longer is one step closer to peace.

Recently, however, all of that is just gone for me. There's no competition. There's no reputation. There's no meditation or penance. There's even nothing profound to go along with this nothingness. Cause it simply doesn't matter where I go, how long it takes me to get there, or if I walked along the way.

When everything else is removed you're left with two feet, the surface of the earth, and God given capability. And when that's all that's left, theres something that's very God-honoring in still going for it.

This is a good season for me.

9.28.14

Breakfast - Cinnamon Roll Pancakes, 2 eggs over medium, bacon and sausage
Lunch - Chocolate milk
Dinner - Personal Pepperoni Pizza from Pizza Hut

Layovers

There's something about a layover.

I was just stuck in DFW for an extra two hours due to a flight delay. Most people hate layovers, but not me. I think it's because I'm single. No seriously. Like, I don't have a family that I'm anxious to get home to or something. I got nowhere to be but present in the moment.

Airports are universally known as prime people watching venues. Everyone is all hustle and bustle trying to make it to their connections. Parents are toting children, old people are hopping on tram cars, and business men are trying to make important phone calls while fighting the teenagers for power outlets. Everyone is focused on where they're about to be, not where they are.

I caught myself walking the terminal for a portion of those two hours today. Up and down the strip, straight through the middle of the crowd. People squeezing by on both sides with glazed looks over their faces. I am Moses parting the red sea of airport foot-traffic. 

With the right music in your ears this is a beautiful thing. Everything slows down and moves fast all at the same time. So much life happening around you. It's like being in the zone. Even better if it's a rainy layover.

Music is a big part of layovers. I have a playlist for just the occasion. (You can check it out here. I imagine there is a certain group of people that share this airport music experience with me so the playlist is public. Please add to it!)

John Mayer's Wheel started all this for me. "Airports see it all the time. Where someone's last goodbye blends in with someone's sigh, cause someone's coming home in hand a single rose… And that's the way this wheel keeps working now." People are always, and will always, be coming and going.

These days the majority of the music on my layover playlist is slow depressing transient stuff. I blame the movies. I guess I believe that if I provide the soundtrack, life will provide the story. Not that I'm looking for a sad depressing story in my life, just that it seems the most fitting for airport scenarios. Elizabethtown and Garden State, if ya know what I mean. And anything that gets me closer to either Natalie Portman or Kirsten Dunst is a good thing in my book.

I imagine my feelings towards layovers will eventually change. Someday my work will catch up with me and I'll be the one sending emails. Or I'll have a real family at home anxiously awaiting my return, rather than just a dog with an overactive bladder. But I hope I never lose sight of being present where I'm at. Of being ok with focusing on where I am, rather than where I'm going.

9.15.15

Breakfast - two blueberry poptarts (thanks for the refuel CJC)
Lunch - Chuy's chicken quesadilla
Dinner - crackers and cheese


Going Crazy

I'm beginning to understand how people go crazy.

Remember after high school when you went away to college for your freshman year and the world felt new? You got jazzed on life and came back for the summer so energized about the world, feeling like you could conquer anything? But while you were home catching up with your old friends, the stories would begin to circle about that one kid. The kid who unfriended everyone on Facebook, joined a fraternity or something and is now a completely different person. The kid who went crazy.

Fast forward 5 years and now that kid is nothing but folklore. Maybe he's in the African jungle helping to fix orphans with clef pallets. Maybe he's in silicone valley inventing apps that help us determine how dehydrated we are based on the color of our pee. And maybe he's a college dropout who still lives at home and bar tends to make ends meet. Who knows?

But I think I finally get that kid.

He was the bold one. No matter how he turned out or what he went through, I think he was the bold one. He was the one who wasn't afraid to let go of the past and go full tilt into the future. He wiped the slate clean, said what the heck, and did exactly what he wanted to do. He reinvented himself.

And I think the only reason this guy gets labeled as the crazy one is because he was so all-in. To the people in his new life, I'm sure he was just a normal dude. But to the old people who knew him prior to his extreme deviation, they think a screw got loose upstairs.

I can't bring myself to do that; to wipe the slate clean completely. I'm afraid of being labeled the crazy guy. But boy do I envy him. Who of us hasn't entertained the idea of deleting social media, getting rid of our phones and going completely off the grid Mosquito Coast style?

For me, the allure of the clean slate lies in getting the opportunity to re-prioritize and re-evaluate everything; all of this. I really don't know how to put that into words any better. Simply a re-evaluation of life, how you spend it and who you spend it with.

I think this becomes most tempting for me when I'm feeling the pressure of my past. What I mean by that is that I am selfish, shallow and insecure. I am tempted to start over and let go of old reputations, but I can't do it because I am holding on too strongly to what people think of me. I mean, I worked very hard to subconsciously manipulate the way you perceive me. I have strategically planned and crafted posts, tweets, text messages, phone calls and hangouts to manage my reputation. I'm very thorough, intentional and over the top. I can't help it. It's who I am. Even now, I want to tell you about how I have a Masters in the Science of Marketing with a focus on Corporate Reputation Management because I want you to see how relevant that is to this topic of conversation, while simultaneously causing you to think of me as educated. My guess? It semi-worked.

The irony is that I (and I'll go ahead and say "we" cause I doubt I'm the only one with this problem) we are all going crazy trying not to look crazy. And the truth is that it is exhausting. That's why I'm starting to understand how people go crazy. It's not that a screw has gotten loose upstairs, it's that they've truly stopped caring what other people think and they've found a relaxing freedom to re-evaluate their lives.

I'm exhausted and envious of that relaxing freedom. Thankfully, simply admitting that helps.

If you're a friend of mine, and I mean really a friend, please call me out next time you see me going crazy trying not to look crazy. Call me out so we can be human together and talk about it. It'll be supes rad I'm sure. Thanks.

9.4.14

Breakfast - 2 frosted blueberry poptarts with sprinkles
Lunch - Double Bacon Cheese Burger at Five Guys
Dinner - Protein bar and Chocolate Milk


My Favorite Shirt

I have a favorite shirt. Doesn't everybody?

My favorite shirt is a faded tattered rag that's stained and presumably filthy - no matter how many times you wash it. It's the kind of shirt that my wife will someday try and throw away without me knowing because it disgusts her so much. But I'll inevitably find it in the trash, run it through the wash, then get it back in action (Such a dad move. Anyone else's dad wear ratty clothes that always pissed off your mom? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.)

I got this shirt for free my freshman year of college. It was one of those giveaways to the first 1000 students at the game kind of thing. So yes, it's a Florida State Football shirt. Since it was free I imagine it was made cheaply, which is why I'm not surprised that it's not very soft, but, why I am surprised that it doesn't have more holes in it already.

The front is simply the image of a football with the words "Florida State" on it. The back is a tobacco free ad campaign image. I don't really have any particular feelings towards these images, but they're simple and to the point. Which I very much like about it.

Originally the shirt was white with garnet markings. It also didn't fit too well. But by now the white has certainly faded to a dingy grey and the fabric has been broken in. I love that. I love the fade and fit. It says, "this shirt's been worn and it's gone places." It almost alludes to a legacy or something. Yes, a legacy. This shirt has a legacy.

I don't know what it is about this shirt that I love so much. I'm seriously struggling with putting it into words. Anytime I buy a nice new shirt I'm always afraid to wear it too much. I don't want it to get stained, stretched or torn. But with this shirt I have no fear. It's the one that has stood the test of time, I guess. If anything, the stains, stretches and tears only continue to add to its character. It can't be ruined, only improved.

I love this shirt and I love what it says about me when I wear it.

Florida State

That's what it says. It tells people where I'm from. And I'm proud of where I'm from. There's strength and there's legacy in where I'm from. I take that strength, I take that legacy and I wear it with pride. Florida State. My alma mater.

My favorite shirt. Go Noles!

8.25.14

Breakfast - 2 frosted blueberry poptarts
Lunch - PB&J and Potato Chips
Dinner - Protein Bar and Crackers & Cheese

Pops

Last weekend my Pops came to visit me in Nash to celebrate his 51st birthday. We had a stinkin' blast. #FSB

My dad's a killer guy. Everyone loves him. He's always done a great job of holding a strong position in the community as someone of encouragement, passion and leadership. People respect him for sure.

But at the end of the day, he's still a dad. And dad's are a little… well… they're dads. Read my post about my 18th birthday for reference.

It's funny, when you're growing up as a child you never stop to consider the individuality of a dad (or a mom). You view parents as people who are supposed to provide, teach and support you. You come to them with your problems because they are supposed to help give you advice and lead you to a solution. You never stop to think that maybe this person has their own problems and maybe they need someone to give them advice. Does that make sense? Its like when you're 8 and you argue with your best friend over who's dad is strongest or who's mom makes the best chocolate chip cookies. You argue cause your parents are perfect to you. They're super heroes.

But then you grow up.

You start to realize how individual all humans are. That we all walk a very personal path down the road of life -- we all have our own problems and we all have our own dreams; even parents. 

So this past weekend I decided to get to know more about my dad and who he is, outside of him being my parent. I asked him what his goals are and what his dreams are. No surprise, he had a very specific answer.

It's never too late to get to know your parents more.

I'm not going to write about my dad's dream because that's his and he'll be sharing it with the world soon enough. But I want to encourage anyone reading this to start asking people about their dreams, specifically those your senior. Because dreaming never stops. You'll dream in your 20s, you'll dream in your 30s, and you'll continue to dream for the rest of your life.

Don't stop dreeeeaaaammmiinnnggg, hold on to that fffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllliinnnnggg.

Yeah, I know that was terrible.

8.15.14

Breakfast - 2 frosted blueberry poptarts
Lunch - Logan's Roadhouse fried chicken, mac & cheese, and mashed potatoes w/ gravy
Dinner - 2 cookie butter rolls

Slang

I love words. They're fun. Even the weird, bizarre ones. Like people seem to unanimously hate the word "moist" and that to me is fun. It's fun to say "moist" and watch people cringe.

One thing I was thinking about the other day is how words become relevant. Like, how certain words or phrases are infused into everyday dialogue through pop-culture. 

"Epic Fail!"

"I can't even…"

"YOLO"

"Turn down for what"

These aren't new words, they're just strung together in a way that makes them current and fresh. Often times syllable emphasis and tone play a big role as well. It's the silliest thing.

I always wanted to be the guy that created the phrases or words. I wanted to be the trend setter. So I would go for it. And naturally they all mostly failed. But what I realized is that slang exists in microcosms. 

I remember when the youth group would go on summer camp trips and we would encounter other youth groups from different parts of the country. We would exchange slang like fashion; what's in and what's not. Like, I remember the summer we picked up "pitiful." Teenage humor was always rooted in negativity, unfortunately, so "pitiful" was a pretty memorable summer.

Despite the harshness of the pitiful-summer, I still recall this time of life with a smile on my face. What I realized the other day is that we were all just trying to be cool. So we would take that "in" phrase and apply it to everything. Whatever that phrase was, was cool. So we just wanted to say it as much as possible to be cool. And the joy always came from saying it so much out of context, that it eventually came into context. 

Example: "Bro-core"

What the heck is bro-core!? To this day I'm still not sure. But for us, it apparently was some kind of hat. Yes, a hat. An oversized flat bill skater hat that we all wore approximately 3 times before realizing how stupid it was. A "bro-core" hat. Mine was black plush velvet (so bro-core).

Eventually everything else became bro-core too. Like, instead of hardcore, if something had a more "bro" nature to it, it became bro-core. "We're going to the beach Friday after school. Are the babes coming? Nah, keeping it bro-core." Or, "Did you see the movie Old School, dude?! Totally, so bro-core." If you went to high school you know exactly what I'm talking about.

But without fail, the circle-of-slang would eventually kick in.

Much like the circle of life, slang runs it's course through pop-culture relevancy. There comes a very distinct moment when slang and cool phrases die out. How does one calculate this exact moment? Easy.

The second an uncool kid starts saying the phrase it becomes uncool. Cause eventually the uncool kids start saying the phrases in efforts to up their coolness, which of course never actually works. Same situation for parents who are trying to be hip or "with it." I remember my dad using the word "epic." Nails on a chalk board. No. Just no. So the phrase dies out one eye roll at a time, and this is the circle of slang. It's inevitable. Sigh…

But it's all part of it. And we all have our roles to play in it as well. Cause...

"It's the circle, the circle of slang" #EltonJohn

8.10.14

Breakfast - 2 frosted blueberry poptarts
Lunch - ritz crackers & cheese
Dinner - hopefully McDougal's fried chicken


Unexplored

I do this thing where I leave certain things untouched and unexplored. 

I love exploring. I think most people would agree. The whole exploration thing is about delving into the unknown and discovering something new. Who doesn’t want to do that? But you have to admit, half the fun of exploring is just the excitement you get from the anticipation of the potential opportunity at hand.

Have you ever gotten ready for an adventure and been uber thrilled to do this thing, only to be let down by the actual exploration? “Man, this trail looked so promising. Kind of bummed it didn’t really lead anywhere.” Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t, but hopefully you get the point.

For me, I intentionally leave certain things unexplored because I'd rather hold onto the excitement of possibility than experience the disappointment of certainty.

I'm guilty of building things up to be perfect in my mind. I want to believe in perfection and I want to hold onto perfection. Leaving things unexplored is how I maintain this perfection.

You don’t explore it because if you did you’d find out that it’s not right; that it's not perfect. It’s the safety net you never want to lose.

7.29.14

Breakfast - 2 frosted blueberry poptarts
Lunch - Brixx Pizza
Dinner - ritz crackers and cheese probably

Expectations

I live my life with two expectations:

1. To expect the world to expect everything from me
2. To expect nothing in return 

These expectations keep me happy. They challenge me to give my all everyday without motive. I don’t lay it all out there so certain efforts will ever be acknowledged, valued or reciprocated, I do it because that’s what you’re supposed to do. These expectations make life pleasant and minimize any potential opportunity for disappointment.

But this weekend I realized that these two expectations I’ve created for myself have become more of a shield than a mantra.

I spent last Thursday through Sunday partaking in an experience unlike anything I’ve ever done before. I’d try to explain it but I simply couldn’t come close. Like, not even on the same planet close. All you need to know is that 50 strangers gathered together to embark on a journey that ended in real, authentic healing. Spiritual healing.

Everyone took something different away from this experience; this Encounter. I witnessed multiple breakthroughs happen for several individuals. My breakthrough? Man, it rocked my world.

I was born and raised with a strong faith in Jesus. I’m proud of that and I’m blessed by that. But this code, this mantra of expectations I live by, has become a shield in guarding me from putting any kind of faith in people. People are broken and this is a fallen world, so why have faith in people when they’re just going to disappoint you? <— My mindset before this weekend.

This weekend I had a moment.

A moment that rocked my world and gave me reason to believe in people again; in their goodness, potential and beauty. Yes, we’re broken, but there is a silver lining in that brokenness and there is value that can be created out of that brokenness. Someone gave me value. These people gave me value. They looked into my core and decided they wanted me to live. Not so they could expect things from me, but so they could lift me up and carry me when I thought no one ever would.

I’m grateful today. Grateful for these beautiful individuals who shattered my expectations and restored my faith in people. For anyone and everyone, I highly recommend you check out the Encounter Training experience. You won’t regret it!

7.23.14

Breakfast - 2 blueberry poptarts
Lunch - chicken noodle soup and half a box of wheat thins
Dinner - half a Publix "mojo" rotisserie chicken


Sunshine

Today is my mother's birthday.

I love my mom. She is the most incredible human I have ever met. She not only raised me, but you could say that she raised half of Tampa Bay as well. It's true. For 15 years, the majority of Tampa Bay middle schoolers visited her youth group at one point or another, I assure you.

My mother is many things, but at the same time my mother is one thing. My mother is sunshine.

Today is the one day of the year that we get to dedicate to Sherrie and the ray of sunshine that she is in this world; lighting up the lives of so many people and lifting their spirits from doom and gloom.

About 6 months ago Sherrie transitioned from 15 years of full-time middle school youth ministry to being a pastor of care. Care-Bear-Sherr. That's my mom.

I'm so proud of her and the joy that she's now bringing to the community in her new position. Nobody knows how to care like a mother, and beyond that, nobody knows how to care like MY mother.

So here's to Care-Bear-Sherr and the sunshine that she is to us all. I love you mom. It's a new chapter, and while you've spent so much of your life being the sunshine that lifts the spirits of others, it's your turn now. It's time to let your spirit soar!

7.18.14

Breakfast - 2 frosted blueberry poptarts
Lunch - Zaxby's kickin' chicken sandwich
Dinner - Pizza I hope


Public Restrooms

Every time I use a public restroom I whistle the Lord of the Rings theme song.

Every. Single. Time.

Do you guys have any idea how fun that little diddy is? It's powerfully charged with inspiration. Pretty sure I've been thanked before by a fellow bathroom user for lifting their spirits with this tune. And I'm waiting for the day when someone whistles it back to me in harmony or something. I mean, I might have to visit Comicon for that experience to happen, but it would seriously make me so happy.

Public restrooms are the worst. The floors are moist and nasty, they smell funny, and those child-lock no-drip faucet spouts get me every time. You know, the ones where you have to hold it down and wash one hand at a time? So difficult. But on the other end of the spectrum you have those new modern sinks that are huge and ornate, but all seem to suffer the same fatal design flaw. HUGE SINKS, little faucets. Why make a sink bowl the size of Texas but use a spout the size of Rhode Island? My hands are at least the size of Michigan and there's no way all of Michigan is fitting under Rhode Island. If you're not tracking with me yet, see the picture below for reference, then imagine me leaning forward trying to fit my hands under the stream of water and continuously bumping my knuckles against the porcelain while mumbling my frustration under my breath… 

Another issue, when you're as tall as I am it doesn't matter that there are stall barriers. I can still make unintentional awkward eye contact with anyone. On top of that, my bladder is already a little shy. Which is why I started whistling in the first place. I think the comfort and warmth of this Middle Earth melody helps me take care of business when I'm in unfamiliar territory. Cause that's the power of music. It's the same thing as when smells, tastes, or textures elicit certain memories. It's sensory stimulation.

By now I'm probably like Pavlov's dog. Play that tune and I might pee my pants.

There's literally no point in me sharing this tidbit of info other than to vent my frustration with public restrooms and to write about the Lord of the Rings like I said I would. So there, it's done.

7.8.14

Breakfast - 2 Blueberry Poptarts
Lunch - Jimmy Johns (roast beef, ham and cheese)
Dinner - Crackers and Cheese


Uneasy

I've felt a little uneasy lately.

People are reading this. Not like lots of people. But more people than just my Icelandic friends. And I don't know what to make of that.

I mean it's all good. That's the point of this thing. In fact it's flattering anyone would waste their time here. I never expected people to read this blog, it was merely a landing page for thoughts and concepts that I wanted to process out loud, if you will.

But now when people talk about this thing with me face to face it just gives me a weird feeling. And I can't figure out if it's a bad feeling or a good one. Like the other night at church, somehow an excerpt of my blog was read on stage… wow… very humbling… but also, terrifying.

Truth be told I believed I was too extroverted and confident to ever be affected by something like this. I'm not an artist who has to deal with the self-consciousness of sharing their work with others, I'm just a dude who simply doesn't know any better and goes for it. But I guess it's like, by being vulnerable and writing these things for anyone to read, I'm losing a sense of privacy that I never knew I valued or needed. 

It's been over two weeks since I last posted. I'd like to say that I've been busy but when you're a doer "busy" is a lie. I've truthfully been somewhat avoiding this. What do I write now that people are reading this? Now that people can analyze my words and gain an understanding of who I am without even meeting me? And if most feedback has been good, how do I follow it up with something even better?

So I'm dealing with a little bit of self-imposed pressure, a little bit of insecurity and a little bit of excitement all wrapped into one. It's all just weird.

I'm trying to remind myself of the reason I ever decided to start blogging. I think by rediscovering that reason and keeping it in the forefront of my mind, all the other stuff will just fade to black. Cause right now my focus is being challenged. I'm tempted to allow my focus to shift to the readers rather than the content. It's the people pleaser in me. It makes me want to write stuff that pleases the people, rather than stuff that challenges me and is real.

Whatever. It's all dumb. This wasting my time on insecurity is lame. My therapy in dealing with this is to write about it, post it, then move on. And that's what I'm doing. Literally. Right now. It's happening. And you know what? I think I just got to that point…

Yep. I'm here. 

And now, I'm gone.

Boom. I'm over it.

My next post is going to be about Lord of the Rings.

6.21.14

Breakfast - 2 frosted blueberry poptarts
Lunch - Jets pizza (thanks Mia!)
Dinner - TBD

Months

June is becoming one of my favorite months.

I have this thing with months. Novembers suck and Januaries are awesome. It's a trend for me. I didn't really notice this until probably 2011 but when I looked back on the previous years, I recognized this bizarrely reoccurring theme of anxiety and peace.

It started in November of 2009. I just remember that month sucking for a number of personal reasons. But sure enough January of 2010 came and it was better. And ever since then the trend just continued; even through this past November and January.

Novembers are full of anxiety. The hustle & bustle of finishing up the calendar year catches up with you and then at the same time you're supposed to reconnect with family and be thankful. Family members like to ask questions. The kind of questions that if you can't answer well, you feel unprepared for life. Thanks for asking Grandma, but I really couldn't tell you when I'm going to give you some great grandchildren…

Januaries somehow always bring peace, though. There's something in the air with Januaries and it probably has to do with the optimism that comes from people making resolutions they truly believe they will keep. God always calms my heart in January and reminds me to be present where I'm at. He reminds me that the anxiety of being unprepared for life is unnecessary as long as I have faith in him. A "let's take this one-day-at-a-time" faith. Cause that's how years happen; one day at a time.

Junes are new for me. This is the second June that has been outstanding for me and it likely has a lot to do with sunshine. Cause sunshine has a way of bringing people together. The day I fell in love with this town was a day in the middle of June. I don't remember the exact day but I do remember the exact moment. I was driving down the highway with an unbelievable view of the Nashville skyline. The sun was setting and I was on my way to meet up with some friends in an unfamiliar part of town. Unfamiliar things usually make me feel a little uneasy, a little out of place. But I realized that this time that wasn't the case. Something was different. And that's when it clicked.

Nashville is for everybody.

I remember growing up in Tampa and knowing that there were parts of town I didn't belong in. Certain "old money" suburbs or retirement beach fronts that didn't like young kids hanging around. Feeling unwelcome is the pits.

But there is no exclusivity in Nashville. Everyone can go everywhere, and anyone can be a somebody. You can walk into almost any bar and watch a dirty, skinny-jean-wearing hipster sing along to Wagon Wheel right next to a 55 year old farmer in a cowboy hat. And the two get along famously. It's the coolest thing. And I think that's why I wasn't unsettled about heading to an unfamiliar part of town that particular day.

A couple months ago I started going to this new church. It's unlike any church I've ever been to before. The people there are incredible, the worship is incredible and the teaching is incredible. This place is anointed. Over the past few weeks I've really watched myself be overwhelmed with joy from the community of this church. The funny thing to me is that the name of this church is The Belonging. A little weird the first time you hear it. But then you show up and you experience it. The Belonging.

Nashville is a place where anyone can belong. The Belonging is a place where anyone can belong. And June is my new favorite month where I belong.

6.16.14

Breakfast - 2 blueberry poptarts
Lunch - 3 cookie butter rolls
Dinner - greek yogurt, honey and granola

Pain in the Neck

I love going on bike rides. It get it from my Dad.

Yesterday was Father’s Day and I know that if I had been back in Tampa with my family, the one thing my Dad would have wanted to do would have been to go on a “Family Bike Ride.” So instead I went on a bike ride here. The Father-Son-Bonding thing again.

It’s been a minute since I’ve enjoyed a nice bike ride. And I hate that because every time I go on a bike ride I remember how much I love it. The word is peaceful. Bike rides are peaceful. Why don’t I do this every weekend?

Today, though, I’m admittedly kind of sore. The bike I have is a stupid one. It’s a trendy hipster fixed gear bike that my friends talked me into getting before I lived in a place with hills. Hills and fixies don’t mix well. This bike also has drop handle bars (another stupid characteristic). Which means the position I have to ride in is a fairly low one. So if I want to see where I’m going at all I really have to bend my neck back to look up. Because of this, my neck is pretty stiff today.

And I like it.

I’m not like a masochist or anything. I just liked the reminder I got every time I turned to answer the phone today. A reminder that not only says, “Hey, you did stuff yesterday. Feel good about that.” but a reminder that says, “Look up, look forward.”

I used to ride my bike all the time. Miles and miles of training. My neck never used to get sore cause I had built up a tolerance I guess. But somewhere over the past couple of years I stopped riding my bike, I put my head down and quit looking ahead.

You miss a lot when you put your head down and quit looking ahead.

Sometimes thinking about the future is overwhelming and can bring about a good bit of anxiety. Which is why it's so easy to put your head down, ignore the inevitability of certain responsibilities and avoid any potential "pain in the neck." But you miss the opportunity to really build your future and make it what you want it to be. If you keep your head down the world is going to pass you by whether you want it to or not. But if you look up, you'll suffer a little bit of stiffness, but you'll also get the chance to make some really great decisions.

Looking up and looking forward isn't about dreams and goals, it's about facing life head on and making any adjustments necessary to get to where you want to go.

I came to an abrupt fork in the road yesterday on my ride. If my head had been down I probably would have missed it. I'll be honest, neither path looked to be exceptionally different. But for me, I was just glad to have the opportunity to make a decision. Here's a moment where I get to choose my path; my future. Where do I want to go?

There's a little bit of pain in my neck, but I'm looking up and I'm looking forward... let's do this thing

6.14.14

Breakfast - 2 blueberry poptarts
Lunch - probably crackers and cheese
Dinner - probably chicken of some sort


My Favorite Place

I have this theory about my favorite place in the world.

I used to work for an event operations company that put on endurance races across the country. We were basically one huge traveling circus that would go from town to town all summer long. We were carnies. It was a great experience for me. I got to do tons of traveling and ended up spending time in places I never would have ever intentionally visited. Like Racine, WI. Even the people who live in Racine don't like Racine. I never need to go there again. But I'm glad I did because now I know what I'm not missing out on.

I spent a lot of time on airplanes when I worked with this company.

Anytime we did an event out west, the travel coordinators would always stick us on the same flight out there, probably cause it was the cheapest option. I loved that flight.

While you would think that an airplane would take you to your favorite place in the world, did you ever stop to think that the actual airplane could be your favorite place in the world?

At 37,000ft you find yourself above the clouds in what I imagine is the one place on earth that is as close to heaven as you can get. When you took off it may have been raining or overcast, but above the cloud line its nothing but serenity. Clear sky as far as the eye can see.

This flight that we always took out west had the perfect timing; it typically took off around sunset. I always made sure to get a window seat for the view. The plane would climb and climb until we'd break that cloud line and then BAM! we were there.

My favorite place is what I call the eternal sunset. I have this theory that if everything holds constant, a plane could fly west and chase the sun around the globe forever, basically living in this place of eternal sunset. Cause if you think about it, the sun is technically always setting somewhere (it's science). And if you could use a plane to always be in that place, then you could live where the sun is always setting. How freaking rad.

I guess this theory would hold true for sunrises too. So maybe if you're a sunrise person, think about this idea from that angle. But don't think too hard cause there's no theme here about "tomorrow never coming" or "new beginnings" or "what are you chasing" or "what are you running from," ok?

I just really stinkin' like sunsets.

6.7.14

3am Waffle House
11am Blueberry Poptarts
8pm About to drive to Little Caesars for a pepperoni deep dish


Welcome to Manhood

My 18th birthday was on a Sunday.

I remember it specifically because this was to be a very special birthday for me. My dad, in true dad fashion, had something unique planned. He's a pretty radical guy so I assure you this story is about to get good.

After the 11am church service my dad corralled all of my friends and their families into the chapel; he wanted them to be apart of a special rite of passage ceremony for me. It was a "welcome to manhood" celebration thing that he had read about somewhere called a "Bar Barakah", which I guess is like a Bar Mitzvah but for non-jews? I don't even know…

So it's my 18th birthday. It's Sunday. 100 of my closest friends and their families are sitting in a chapel as my dad brings me up front and begins to perform this non-jew ceremony. He has me kneel at the alter. He says a bunch of "We're so proud of our boy" and "We want to ask God's blessing on you" kind of stuff.

And this is where it gets good.

All of a sudden my dad whips out a sword. Yes, a real sword. In fact, it was actually an exact replica of the sword from the movie Braveheart. Apparently he had ordered it a few weeks earlier from one of those graphic novel/comicon/super hero catalogs. 

And then he knighted me with it.

Yes, my father knighted me on my 18th birthday in a chapel full of 100 of my closest friends with the sword from Braveheart. Today's forecast is cloudy with a 100% chance of awesome embarrassment.

But it gets better.

After knighting me my father has me recite a creed that he had written for my life. "I was created by God, I was created for God and my life's highest ambition is to be best friends with God." I say these words out loud for all to hear (cheesy but great stuff, honestly). And upon completing my creed, my father turns his back to me to grab something.

Out of nowhere, he spins back around like a hurricane and slaps me in the face with a pair of gloves he had been hiding tucked in his back pocket. With the infamous, fiery Leatherwood intensity burning in his eyes he says, "And that is so you'll never forget it!"

My friends' jaws dropped. My Mother gasps out loud. And I look like I'm crying cause one of the gloves cut my eye.

Did my dad just knight me, have me recite a creed, then slap me in the face with gloves so I'll never forget the creed? And did he just do this in front of the most important people in my life? Yes. Yes he did.

Ahh, so this is what manhood feels like.

My mother didn't speak to my dad for 48hrs. She was livid. I mean, she had tolerated the knighting thing, but the slapping thing had taken it too far. "We've never slapped our kids, Robert! What makes you think it's ok to do so in front of the community?!"

Apparently my dad had recently watched a movie called Kingdom of Heaven, and there's a scene where Orlando Bloom has a guy recite a creed then slaps him in the face with gloves so that he'll "never forget it." Orlando Bloom wasn't a good enough reason for my mom. It took him a couple days but Dad finally came to sincerely apologize, both to me and my mother.

Truth be told, in hindsight, I loved the whole thing. I got a killer story out of it, a killer Braveheart replica sword and all my friends got to really see how dad-like my dad truly is. Oh, you thought your dad was awesome? Yeah, I got you beat...

                                                                                                               

For some reason I started thinking about this story the other day. The purpose of this Bar Barakah was to be my rite of passage, my welcoming to manhood. And while the ceremony may have served its purpose in expressing that publicly to the community, I still never felt quite like a man after that. Not until recently that is.

I drink chocolate milk, watch cartoons and play with my dog all the time, so yes, I still have boyish tendencies. But I'm starting to watch myself grow, specifically, in Christ. And this spiritual growth is what I'm realizing is making me a man; this following of my creed, if you will. Seeking his face on my own accord, prioritizing his place in my daily life and allowing his teachings to transform my heart all build my character and take me to a place where He equips me with leadership, confidence and wisdom.

I'm a man.

Not because I pay bills, lift weights and know how to spit. But because I was created by God, I was created for God and my life's highest ambition is to be best friends with God.

5.28.14

Breakfast - two blueberry poptarts
Lunch - 3 cookie butter rolls on honey wheat
Dinner - Chickfila

I've been writing about a lot of heavy stuff lately so I figured I'd switch it up this week.

Grocery Shopping

Grocery shopping is my 4th favorite thing to do. I love it. My first job was bagging groceries in a grocery store. There's just something about the smells, colors and community.

I usually grocery shop every Sunday or Monday night; it's my routine. I'll make a list from time to time, but for the most part I don't really know if I'm going to want something until I see it. So that's why I have to walk up and down every aisle. It's part of the experience. Plus, when you walk the aisles you come across the BOGO deals, and I'm always a sucker for those.

"Buy One Get One Kleenex?! These will totally come in handy if I ever invite a girl over to watch The Notebook!"

Grocery shopping just makes me feel like an adult. Even more so than paying bills. It's this tangible thing where I get to decide how I'm going to sustain myself for the next week. It gives me a sense of power. When I was growing up I had to eat whatever brand my mom would buy, but now, I call the shots. Jiff peanut butter vs. Reese's peanut butter. You get the picture. So independent. So adult.

There is nothing in my life that screams "I'M A BACHELOR!" more than the contents of my shopping cart. Sometimes I think about throwing a box of tampons in there just to screw with the cashier.

"Pop tarts… Oreos… Milk… Potato Chips… Dog Food… Bacon… Tampons… Ice Cre… TAMPONS?!" 

For real though. Remember when you were in elementary or middle school sitting at the lunch table, and you'd start to compare lunches with your friends? There was always that one kid who just had the bomb lunch and everyone wanted to trade stuff with him? I am that kid. My cart is full of string cheese, fruit snacks and Little Debbie, while yours is full of kale chips and salad. Gross.

I just love grocery shopping. The music playing is always adult contemporary stuff that is totally acceptable to dance to. I'm gonna go ahead and say that the aisle #4 mambo is definitely in my top 5 favorite dances. And if Michelle Branch is playing then it's probably in my top 3.

Some closing thoughts.

1. The hygienic aisle and I have a bittersweet relationship. Choosing a scented body wash, shampoo or deodorant is near impossible. Mainly because your nose goes numb after 2 whiffs from sensory overload. And this drives me thru the roof, but at the same time I just love hygienic things.
2. Having worked at a grocery store, the employees usually have a special place in my heart. Often times these stores will hire mentally handicapped or physically challenged individuals and that just brings the biggest smile to my face. It's such a good thing. There's goodness in that and there's goodness in the community interacting with them in a place of business.
3. No matter how old I get, I will ALWAYS ride on shopping carts. In fact, the older you get the better the ride becomes. When you're 11 it's, "Little boy don't ride on those shopping carts!" but when you're an adult it's, "Have a nice day, Taylor! See ya next Monday!"

I love grocery shopping.

5.19.14 GUEST BLOG

I'm excited to share with you guys a very special guest blog from a Brother of mine, Brodie Webber. Brodie is a natural born doer with a high functioning capacity, two of my favorite things. Love this dude and respect him tremendously. I hope you enjoy what he has to say and give him a follow on Twitter and Instagram (he makes incredible Insta Movies) @BrodieWebber.
                                                                                                      

Breakfast: Lucky Charms

Lunch:  3 PB&J

Dinner: Spaghetti and Meatballs, a lot of ice cream

Growing Up

I hate the idea of growing up. I absolutely despise when people tell me to grow up. 

I don’t want to grow up for a lot of reasons, all of which can be traced back to my personal manifesto of never losing a childlike enthusiasm for each day. To wake up and absolutely max out each twenty four hour block we're given for all that it's worth. It's an idea I believe in, and it serves as my biggest motivator in every aspect of my life.

When you’re a kid, everything is looked at with immense wonder, curiosity, and excitement. You have enough energy to run through, around, or over any obstacle in your way, going to sleep exhausted just to wake up and do it all over again. I’m not sure where this excess energy and excitement goes as you get older, but the majority of people lose it. They get caught up with work, emails, and bills, and somewhere along they way they forget what it's like to just be a kid. 

Becoming a responsible adult, and maintaining a childlike enthusiasm is a challenge. I think Brad Bird, a Pixar director responsible for the Incredibles put it best, "The conundrum is how to become mature and become reliable while at the same time preserving your childlike wonder.” I wish I had a clear solution for finding that balance between becoming a mature adult and not losing sight of what it was like to be a kid, but I don’t. I’m not sure anyone really does. What I do know, without any illusions, is that it is not your responsibility to become a well behaved employee within a company. It’s your responsibility to find what gets you excited to wake up each morning, and follow that with the same enthusiasm as a child towards the first day of summer break. 

Work hard, be bold, but please never grow up. I promise I won't. 

5.15.14

Breakfast - 2 frosted blueberry poptarts
Lunch - Swanky Tacos chicken quesadilla
Dinner - it's midnight and I just realized I didn't eat dinner...


Relationships Are Secondary

I think a lot these days. I wouldn't say I over think. I'm definitely not an over-analyzer. But I'd say I've begun to think critically a lot more lately (which may or may not exhaust some friends of mine, sorry).

My brother and I were talking yesterday and he said something that… got me thinking.

Me - "What do you want? What's your purpose?"

Brother - "I just want to be in love and in a God honoring relationship"

Me - "But what after that?"

Brother - "Not sure it matters…"

Not sure it matters… How depressing?

What happens after relationships? I feel like we are raised to believe that marriage is an endgame goal; like landing that perfect job or achieving the American dream. Our youth is saturated with Disney and rom-com daydreams where happily ever after is all you need. Just get to the happily ever after and nothing else matters after that.

The problem is that I'm watching a lot of relationships that made it to the happily ever after crumble right now. And I think that has to do with an imbalance of priorities.

I'm single and I don't eat vegetables so obviously I'm no expert, but since I've been thinking a lot lately, I started to approach this idea of relationships, priorities and endgame goals from a new perspective.

I believe relationships are secondary.

God put you on this planet for a very unique and specific purpose. As Christians, our highest calling in life is to pursue that purpose. That's priority number one. Which means the highest that relationships can be on the priority list is number two. Relationships are secondary to purpose.

Now before you get all lame and technical on me saying "What if my purpose is relationships!?" let me explain.

Relationships are secondary because they are facilitative. This is a good thing. Whether romantic or friendly, I believe in relationships, I do. But they should not be viewed as the end goal. They should be viewed as a tool of encouragement and support in helping your counterpart to pursue their purpose. To me, being "in love and in a God honoring relationship" looks a lot like acknowledging your position on the priority list of your partner as secondary. Owning your role of supporter, encourager and sacrificer so that someone else can pursue their purpose. The flip side of this, of course, is that you too should be pursuing your own purpose and intentionally allowing people into your life who facilitate that process for you, not hinder it. Which I'm sure gets complicated and is best answered by the concept of finding balance.

Ambition is attractive. I hope to find someone really ambitious someday. And maybe this is wishful thinking, but I would hope that that attractive ambition would continue after "I do." Which means I need to be ready to be secondary.

Don't pursue a partner as if they are an endgame goal. Pursue a partner that challenges you to fully achieve your purpose and will continue to challenge you to pursue your purpose for the rest of ever. Pursue someone who is ok with being secondary, someone who will be an encourager, supporter and sacrificer. And when you find that person, be inspired by them to turnaround and do the same thing for them. Lift each other up. I think that's part of what it's all about. I think that's part of what happily ever after is.

5.11.14

Breakfast - two blueberry poptarts
Lunch - ritz crackers and cheese
Dinner - greek yogurt, honey and granola

Lean In

Lately I've been hearing this phrase a lot at church and in my readings. I've somewhat started to meditate on it and I'm loving it. Lean in. It's so simple, yet powerful.

On a physical level, it calls for you to come closer; to shift your weight and allow your stance to be dependent on the strength of something else. It's a challenge to surrender. In order to lean in you must give up your position and become vulnerable, exposed. It is a posture of humility.

On an internal level it suggests you elevate your focus from interest to engagement. Give it your energy, effort and investment. Commit. No more casual caring. Engage yourself in this spiritual experience at hand and allow your mind to be captivated. Lean in. Open up. Believe.

I once went to a concert series called Heavy and Light. The host of the evening was spoken word poet, Anis Morjgani. He opened with this poem, Come Closer. It's wonderfully abstract and way over my head but for some reason I love it. 

"Know that something softer than us but just as holy planted pieces of Himself into our feet that we might one day dance our way back. Know that you are almost home, come just a little bit closer."

I think that's what leaning in is; it's a glimpse of home. When we lean in we physically surrender and mentally engage ourselves with the idea that our time here on earth is but a dance on our way home, back to Him.

Come closer, lean in.

5.2.14

Breakfast - what do you think? Blueberry Poptarts
Lunch - Wendys Jr Bacon Chee
Dinner - probably crackers & cheese and wild cherry pepsi


Eraser

I bought a new computer a year and a half ago. I have maybe 50 documents saved to the hard drive, a couple pictures and some music. But somehow the startup disk is full. It's really pissing me off because I intentionally use this thing sparingly to avoid this exact problem.

So I did some research and downloaded a program to help me sweep my hard drive. Turns out my computer has automatically been saving old versions of itself and old versions of my iPhone nonstop. Like it's constantly backing itself up and saving these old memories somewhere deep in the recesses of it's hard drive. This action has an extremely negative effect on my computer's function and capacity. Dumb.

The program I downloaded helped me clear up this problem. It helped me erase the bad, keep the good and get my computer back to it's high functioning capabilities.

Similar to a computer, humans are extremely vulnerable to falling into the habit of practicing automatic backups. We store old versions of ourselves, old memories, that often times serve no purpose other than to hinder our functionality.

You can really torment yourself if you allow yourself to live in those old memories. You can reread every email and text, or maybe stare at an old picture for way too long. A self-inflicted haunting, if you will.

I've admitted before that I'm an avoider and a runner. Another thing I'm happy to admit is that I'm an eraser.

I say I'm happy to admit this because it's actually a healthy thing for me. Erasing the right things allows me to function at a higher capacity, just like my computer. For me, when something is over it's over. Texts, emails, pictures, letters. Boom, gone. Whether this is an innate personality trait of mine or if it's something I downloaded to my brain along the road of life, I have no idea. But I'm glad it's something I do.

Right now you might be thinking that I'm an arrogant jerk. That I don't understand what you've been through and that it's inconsiderate of me to suggest that you are capable of simply erasing your past. Bear with me, that's not what I'm saying at all.

Over the past year and a half of my whirlwind-changing life, I've learned through the practice of erasing that some bad is in fact good. Some of the crud is necessary and should be kept. For instance, there are a few pictures that I've left. Pictures I wanted to erase or delete but didn't. Why? Because of what I see in that memory. I look at my face and can see things in my eyes, things that remind me of how I felt at that exact moment, which in turn reminds me why I made the decisions I made. These memories, these backups, reaffirm me that the path I took to get to where I am today was in fact the right path. And that is a good thing, so it should not be discarded.

I don't keep old pictures or letters to look at them and haunt myself. I keep them to remind me of who I was and how close I was to being someone I didn't want to be. I use them as motivation to push on thru to the next level and enhance my high functioning capacity.

Erase the bad, keep the good and move forward.

4.30.14

Breakfast - 2 blueberry poptarts
Lunch - cheezits
Dinner - chickfila


Dreams

You can't eat and you can't sleep. Your focus is sharp but selective. Remembering and recalling every little detail is a side effect, as is the anxiety that comes from the uncertainty and waiting.

Music sounds different. You can listen to a song you've heard a thousand times before, but some how it's like you're hearing it for the first time all over again. The lyrics speak to you differently. 

The last time you felt this way was when you were an irrationally emotional teenager. It's cool to finally feel it all again because it reminds you that you're alive and it lets you know there's something in this universe much greater than yourself. Something beyond your control and almost unobtainable.

I mean it sucks because it will take your legs out from under you. When you spend years in the confidence of who you are and of your place in this world, you kind of start to believe you're invincible. I am far too confident for this. Too sure of myself and of the process by which the world interacts to be as shaken and unsteady as I am right now. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit... But yet, I do. I do like it.

This thing comes along and you realize the control it has over you. Very humbling and bittersweet. It reaffirms the beauty of the world. Reaffirms that there are things you are unaware of. It makes you a student again. You thought you knew but you have no clue. 

And that's the beauty of it all, there are still things to be discovered. 

But the worst part is that you can't trust it. It's autonomous. And it comes and goes so quickly. As much as you want it to be dependent on something that you can identify, it isn't so you can't. The temptation to associate it with a source becomes your point of vulnerability, and since you can't truly identify the source you can't trust it.

Truth is life's easier without it. 

But it's not as full.

4.23.14

Breakfast - 2 blueberry poptarts
Lunch - turkey and cheese bagel
Dinner - probably Chickfila


When doing becomes done

My last blog post was kind of forced. I ended up going back a couple times and editing it even after I posted it to Twitter. Even now I still feel that I didn't write exactly what I was trying to convey. But I knew I wanted to post something that day. I knew there was something I was trying to process and that's what came out.

Now that I've been consistently doing this blogging thing for a couple of months I'm learning more about writing and thought processing. It's challenging. Sometimes I'm in the zone and I can knock out like 4 blog posts in one sitting. And sometimes I'll go two weeks without being in the mood to write. I guess that's what the pros call "writers block."

One thing I've learned through this whole blogging thing is how the act of "doing" looks. I've always been a doer, but this blog has helped me document, contemplate and evaluate the action side of it all. Despite being prone to doing, I still find reasons and excuses to remain stagnant; to be lazy, honestly.

I'm not in the mood. Everything I write is just boring anyway. There's something good on TV. The only people who read this are Icelandic people trying to steal my identity... I can literally think of 100 reasons to not write a post.

But there is always one reason to write that trumps all of the reasons not to write. Ready for it? Drum roll please…

Because I can!

Any good doer knows that the reason we do stuff is because we can. Doer's like to maximize their potential. They also like to take advantage of opportunities. For me, writing a blog is a bit of both. It doesn't matter what I write, it only matters that it gets written; that I take advantage of my ability to make this thing happen. That's enough for me. Once one idea has been written and is posted, I get to cross it off the list and move on to the next idea. Just get it done.

Let me tell you a story.

Almost 4 years ago I was given a book called "The Next 5 Years." It was sort of a self-help guide to planning the next 5 years of your life. On page 4 it wanted me to write a mission statement for my life. Kidding me? A mission statement? "I'm in my mid twenties and clueless, how the heck am I supposed to write a mission statement when I can't even decide on what scented body wash I want?!" It took me almost 3 years to crack that book open again.

But when I finally did I had a pencil in hand, not a pen, and I just wrote some surface-level philosophical statement about purpose and stuffs. I figured I could always come back and change it if need be. Then I flipped the page…

“90 percent perfect and shared with the world always changes more lives than 100 percent perfect and stuck in your head.” - Jon Acuff

There is no better feeling than when doing becomes done. And sometimes you gotta suck it up and push on through the blah to get to the done. Because once you're done with page 4 you get to do page 5, and I promise you, page 5 was a really stinking good page.

4.20.14

Breakfast : donuts, bacon, French toast, orange juice, potatoes and quiche. "Real men eat quiche." - my Grandfather circa 2001.

fEaster

Today is a very special day. Not just for those who are religious but for everyone. Whether you celebrate Easter by going to church or not, I can almost guarantee that you at least celebrate by feasting. Feasting with family, friends or strangers. Today is a day for food.  

My church encouraged it's members to attend Saturday services this year in order to make room for newcomers on which was assuredly a hectic, overcrowded, traffic-filled morning. Still wanting to celebrate on Sunday, my small group decided to get together for a Sunday brunch. A brunch to end all brunches. And I was on bacon duty (heyo!)

After brunch I came to where I am currently sitting now, a park. For the past couple weeks I've been spending my post-church Sundays at a park reading a book by Tim Keller called The Prodigal God. Today I finished it.

This book has been great, easily the "deepest" book I've read since my New Years Resolution kick. (Yes, it's April and I'm still keeping up my resolution: read more, talk less. And yes, as always, struggling on the latter half.) This entire book delved into the parable of the prodigal son. Thoroughly insightful and flipped the whole thing on its head, giving a lot more attention to the moral conformity of the elder brother.

The last chapter that I read today focused, conveniently enough, on salvation. Salvation is experiential, salvation is material, salvation is individual and salvation is communal. This last one, the communal one, boy was it good.

Keller talks about the parable and how it ends with a feast, a celebration for the community (the exact kind of feast that was the last supper and the exact kind that we are all taking part in today to celebrate Easter). There is a lot of feasting in the bible and Keller acknowledges how this is intentional; how feasts play a very specific role in unifying people. He immediately points out the contrast of how feasting is communal by nature but that modern day society is becoming increasingly independent, as more and more people are distancing themselves from communal institutions (a.k.a the church). How many times have you heard a friend say "No religion, just relationship" or "I love Jesus, but not Christianity"? I meet people all the time that church hop every three months with the excuse, "I just wasn't getting fed there." (So ironic that they use the metaphor of being "fed", right?).

The illustration Keller gives to facilitate this thought of salvation being communal is a story of three old friends. When one of the three unexpectedly dies the other two are distraught. Yes, they are struck with sadness and mourning, but equal to the loss of their friend they realize that they have now lost a piece of each other. They will never laugh in the way that only their deceased friend could make them laugh. The point here is that it took a community to know an individual.

Today is a day for fEasting. Today is a day for community. In your fEasting and in your community I want to challenge you to dive in head first. Commit. Belong. Because as Keller helped me realize today, it takes a community to know an individual. And if I am to live every day in desperate pursuit of knowing Jesus Christ more and more, than I am going to need a community to help me do so.

Everyone brought something for my small group's brunch today. It was like a brunch potluck. Me? I brought Krispy Kreme donuts cause I'm smart like that. But also cause I was worried I wasn't going to like what everyone else brought to the table. I was worried I wasn't going to be "fed." But did that fear keep me from showing up altogether? Heck no. And did my Krispy Kreme donuts make someone else's day? You bet they did! Probably in the same way that someone else's bacon made my day.

I think what Keller was getting at is that Jesus and church isn't just a big feast where you can show up and expect to be fed all the time. It's a potluck. And if you're worried you're not going to be fed then bring something to the table that you know you will like. Commit to the community. Commit to the feast. Because you can't get to know Jesus without them and they can't get to know him without you.

Happy fEaster!

4.17.14

Breakfast - two blueberry poptarts
Lunch - turkey and cheese sandwich (and some Keeblers chocolate chip peanut butter cookies)
Dinner - Baked potato soup


Why you should delete Tinder.

Yes, I'm guilty, once upon a time I Tindered. It was unfortunately back in summer of 2013 before it got legit. Back then the talent was pretty slim (or not), if ya know what I mean. But the novelty of it all was still cool and fun. Heck, it was almost like a game. How many matches can I get? How many terrible pickup lines can I try? If I immediately call a girl "Sugar Bear" will she like it, or will she block me? Yes, I enjoyed it for a couple of weeks.

But then I realized something. People suck.

You would think Tinder would be an extrovert's dream. Here's this amazing thing where you can meet and connect with as many people as you want. Just swipe left or swipe right. But once you start matching with girls and talking with them, you realize that communication is a lost art form. Nobody knows how to get to know each other anymore. Like, ask me a stinking question or something. Anything. What's my favorite color? Do I sing in the shower? Am I still afraid of the dark? Anything but a one-sided conversation. Technology has just ruined it all. This self-serving, instantly-gratifying reality we've created has consequently destroyed our ability to invest in real, tangible relationships. Don't like this person and what they have going on? Just swipe left.

We've created a cyber reality where people can hide behind profiles, instagram photos and tweets. And this anonymity gives us power that we wouldn't normally have. Power to choose what we allow into our reality and what we erase from it. Hide the bad, keep the good.

"Show me your perfect life" - my tongue-in-cheek mindset anytime I log into social media.

But what happens when our cyber reality collides with reality reality?

This is why I deleted Tinder. I remember the first time I unintentionally ran into a Tinder match in public. It was like that scene in Mean Girls where the high schoolers are playing the roles of zoo animals in the mall. We never even officially acknowledged each other's presence, but we traded long awkward stares from across the room for a couple hours. So uncomfortable. No. Just no. I deleted the app right then.

I love this town. I someday plan on owning it here. And every morning that I wake up is a new opportunity to take a step closer in that direction. On my path, on my journey to owning it, the last thing I want to be doing is trading uncomfortable stares from across the room with a random person whose first impression of me came from a hot or not app. No way am I letting something like that get in my way of maximizing my potential; of owning this town.

I want to control my own first impression. And you should too. Delete your Tinder.

4.9.14

Breakfast: 2 Frosted Blueberry Poptarts
Lunch: Maniacs Fried Chicken and Fries
Dinner: Publix Chocolate Milk

Atheism in Relationships

Last night at church pastor Alex Seeley shared an interesting story of how her friend once called her an atheist.

I don't know pastor Alex very well but from the few times I've heard her speak I can confidently say she's one of the most radical and passionate Christian's I've met in awhile. She's from Australia and she's an "in your face and I'm not going to apologize about it" kind of Christian. Which is awesome. And which also makes me wonder that if she's being called an atheist, what the heck am I?!

So pastor Alex went on to explain more about the situation. She shared how there was an area of her life that she had struggled with for over 30 years. A simple bad habit. And her friend called her out saying that if she truly believed in God and his unfathomable power, then there would be no more excuses to continue practicing this bad habit. Her friend said that allowing this bad habit to rule her for 30 years was no different than atheism, because it undermined God's power over her life. 

If you don't believe God is big enough to fix everything, then you don't believe in God.

Today I had lunch with some of my bestest Nashville bros. These two bachelors are both in their 30's working cush jobs, making bank, and they absolutely fall into the "Nice Guy" category. They both shared stories of recent situations where they were in relationships with girls who eventually went a little crazy and broke things off. The reason they both got from these girls was, "I'm not good enough for you. I don't deserve this."

When I heard these guys share their stories my mind immediately went back to the message Alex shared last night. The girls they had been dating were atheists. Not actual atheists of course, but they were putting God in a box. At one point they may have told themselves that they had received grace from God but they didn't allow that to diffuse into the other areas of their lives. They didn't accept the fact that God is everything and he not only fixes people but he fixes our place in this world as well, our place in relationships. What was once unworthy does not receive grace and stay unworthy. Living with that mindset is basically like slapping God in the face.

I think one of the reasons we experience broken relationships in life is because, despite already receiving grace, we allow this idea of "unworthiness" to creep in; we allow it to make us atheists. It's what happens when we let the world influence our attitudes towards one another, rather than reflecting God and who He is. So for me, this whole situation serves as a reminder to be the person in the relationship who reflects God's grace and to allow that grace to influence the relationship, rather than the world. When someone tells you they're undeserving don't just remind them of all the reasons they matter to you, remind them of all the reasons He is who He says He is, and that He says they are worthy.

Cause you either believe it or you don't. 

4.2.14

Breakfast - two Blueberry Poptarts
Lunch - half a can of Pringles and Mountain Dew
Dinner- Ritz Crackers & Cheese and a quart of Publix Chocolate Milk

Make yourself available

That's where everything starts. Before anything can get done someone has to be there to do it. Someone has to be available.

Doers sometimes overlook this. Thinkers sometimes think too much about this.

As a doer and someone with a passion for service, I often overlook making myself available and instead just ask people what I can do for them. This is good and bad. Good in that I get to help people. Bad in that I sometimes fall into people-pleaser mode where serving others becomes more of an agenda than a pleasure or joy. And if you look for it and listen for it, you can tell that people know the difference between when they're an item on your list and when they're a pleasure or joy for you to serve. They can tell when they're being valued vs itemized.

For me, the times when I do my best work, serve the most people and build the strongest relationships have all started with making myself available. Committing and saying, "I'm in. I'm here. Whatever you need, I'm your guy."

You don't have to have a game plan, you just have to be there.

I think the biggest challenge with making ourselves available these days is accessibility. The internet and cell phones create the facade that we are "available" when we are in fact just accessible. And this inescapable accessibility actually takes away from our availability. It distracts us, distorts our focus and redirects our attention.

But this means there is a huge opportunity at hand. With so many people trading availability for accessibility, the value of being someone who is available rises. Simple supply and demand economics.

So be someone who is available. Be someone who says, "I'm in. I'm here. Whatever you need, I'm your guy." Because being available is valuable. Being available is where everything starts.